Enliven Daily

“The glue that holds all relationships together -- including the relationship between the leader and the led is trust, and trust is based on integrity.”

(Editor’s Note – I have written well over 500 entries since I began this adventure almost 3 years ago.  The journey has taken me many places and these days, my vision and dream of inspiring people has become a reality as I am busier than ever training and teaching.  This, combined with many hours spent with family as well as coaching youth sports, has entries being scaled back to 1-2 a week.)

I once took a class in college called “Values and Choices” and it was one of my favorite courses.  A big part of it was because I think it was co-taught by one of my favorite professors, Dr. Meredith Stanford.  The other reason was that since I was a business major, most of my courses were, go figure, business related; which only carries so much free-thinking and philosophical discussions about integrity, morals and ethics.

(Click Here) to see what has inspired this entry as it restores my faith in our society despite all the bad things we continue to read and hear about daily in the news and on the web.  Would Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson make the same Choice that Brian Davis did on Sunday?  Financially, this act of utmost integrity potentially cost Davis over $400,000 but I hope you will agree that what he earned in terms of respect from not only his golf peers but anyone who sees this story is priceless.

One of the great things about my job as a corporate trainer is the many people I meet in my travels.  I continue to hear the same themes and concerns as I travel to different companies across many different sectors.  One of the biggest is a feeling from employees that there is a lack of genuine leadership across all areas of their company.  The key emphasis on the word genuine as there is certainly leadership in place and very talented and experienced people in place.  But what many people continue to talk about are the intangibles that they feel leaders at their company lack; with the most important one being the ability to motivate and inspire people as their words do not validate their actions.

You often hear people say you should judge a person when times are tough as opposed to good.  Think of your own life and times when you needed help or were in trouble, who was there for you?  Were/are they the same people that are there for you when times are good?  For example, does Tiger Woods truly know who is friends are?  Before today, I never really had a favorite golfer but after seeing what Brian Davis did in a sport known for its honor, he is now that person.   I came across our opening quote by author and speaker Brian Tracy and it is something that all leaders, in and out of the office should never forget.

“Achievements on the golf course are not what matters, decency and honesty are what matter.”

Tiger Woods was back to playing golf this past weekend (starting last Thursday) and the both the golf and non-golf world was watching.  Despite his long layoff, Tiger is still a master at his craft as he was in the hunt until the very end.  As we all suspected, there were his supporters and those who wanted to take shots at him including a few plane banners that taunted him.  His estranged wife Elin was nowhere to be seen and who could blame her.  But in the end, it was the PGA’s boy scout, Phil Mickelson who took home the “green jacket” as the 2010 Masters champion.

This is the same Phil Mickelson who is rarely seen on tour without his beautiful wife Amy and their kids.  Amy is battling breast cancer but was still able to attend on Sunday as Phil finished with a birdie on the 18^th hole to put the exclamation point on his victory when all eyes and ears were on Tiger for most of the 4 days of coverage.   Now, I don’t know Phil Mickelson or anyone who does and maybe he makes dark Choices in his life as Tiger did/does.  But I doubt it as I think Mickelson gets what life is all about even though he has a lifestyle and career that few of us can relate to.  Maybe Amy’s cancer diagnosis has helped them stay grounded and that is why they seem like a contented family despite winning championships and the challenge that her breast cancer has brought them.

Tiger was once said to have it all; fame, fortune, talent, looks, youth, family, etc.  Now it seems his transgressions are his legacy despite being on Merv Griffin at age 4 and winning so many tournaments.  He will continue to win as his talent for golf is one of the best in the world.  I said it after Thursday that it would be quite a story if the opposite of Tiger won this year’s Masters and who better than his golf arch-rival who Tiger once accused of cheating by using an illegal club.  Karma, poetic justice, call it what you want; but somewhere today, Phil and Amy Mickelson are relaxing and enjoying each other’s company.  I wonder who Tiger is with as I often wonder about those who seek fame and fortune if it is all worth it if you have nobody to share it with.

I wonder how long ago Tiger said our opening quote? 

“When I think of the person that I thought was Bill Clinton, I think he had genuine remorse. When I think of the person that I now see is 100 percent politician, I think he's sorry he got caught.”

I just saw the new Nike commercial featuring the voice of Tiger Woods dead father Earl.  Two words come immediately to mind – creepy and disingenuine.  (Click Here) for a safe link via Comcast to see it as any benefit of the doubt I was willing to give Tiger about making amends for his poor Choices has gone out the window.  He must sign off on ads like this and this is nothing more than an attempt for Nike to get great marketing and Tiger to give fake humility on his behavior.  Like Nike and so many other companies jam down our throat, it’s all about image.  I do not buy it and it further paints Tiger as an insecure little boy who, despite having the greatest talent in golf in the world and may win many tournaments, including this week’s Masters; he is still losing in the game of Life right now.

We have heard our entire lives that actions speak louder than words and Tiger and his handlers are trying to rebuild his image as it is worth billions of dollars.  All the press conferences and hugs with his mother and sighs have showed me nothing as it seems like a big act.  To whom much is given, much is expected but Tiger never learned that and despite the shit-storm he is going through the last 5 months, I still do not think he gets it.  I am glad his wife Elin sees through him too for as much anguish and embarrassment she has had to go through combined with her two children having to grow up with this, it is pretty clear she sees Tiger for who he really is and has checked out as a wife.  Rightfully so.

People ask me all the time about interviews and what they should say or how they should act.  Some so-called experts will advise that you should “sell yourself”.  I do not like this phrase as although people love to buy they do not like being sold.  I recommend “being yourself” and when entering into any new relationship, especially on a first impression, you need to let them see what you are really about, not some act.  Basically you are who you say you are and your actions reinforce that in everything you say and do.  In a nutshell, you are a genuine person in and out of the office, on the field or course and especially when you think nobody may be watching or you might not get caught. 

Tiger has failed many tests of this quality and based on this latest Nike ad, he still does not get it.  He may win the Masters but right now, he is still not a winner in Life.  From the “where are they now category”, how about the opening quote from Monica Lewinsky I stumbled across as it relates to Tiger?

“You know parents are the same, no matter time nor place, they don't understand that us kids are going to make some mistakes.”

Players Play, Coaches Coach, Umpires Officiate and Parents Watch (and Cheer).  One more time - Players Play, Coaches Coach, Umpires Officiate and Parents Watch (and Cheer).  It sounds pretty straightforward and simple doesn’t it?  Yet with baseball season underway and games starting at all levels, it will be only be a matter of time before we start reading, hearing and seeing behavior on and off the fields that make many of our heads spin.  I urge everyone affiliated with your town’s programs to remember this mantra above as it will make the games and our kids better for it.

Over the past few weeks, I have been working with my town’s youth baseball league as I serve as our Vice-President.  Anyone remotely familiar with this space will know my love of coaching but I am taking this year off from this role to hopefully add more value to our entire organization by working with all our coaches.  This year, Pelham (NH) Baseball has partnered with Positive Coaching Alliance and has incorporated their Double-Goal Coaching philosophy.  It has been met with open arms by not only our Board but also the managers we have selected at our Minor and Major league levels. It’s a huge start in developing the culture we want and need in youth sports.

This is only the tip of the iceberg as before the actual games, we all drink the cool aid and sing Cumbaya.  But once the scoreboard is turned on, human competitive nature always comes into play and some of the same people that utter such phrases as “it’s about the kids” and “doesn’t matter if we win or lose as long they have fun” turn into Larry Bird at a 3-point contest and hear Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger playing in their head.  What I mean is that even in games involving 9-12 year old kids, emotions run high and there is screaming all around from coaches and parents to and at each other; to kids, officials even the snack shack volunteers.

So the next time you are at your son or daughters game, try with all your power not to do anything but encourage the players and applaud for good plays – by BOTH teams.  Do not give any last minute batting advice from the stands to your kid, do not yell out where to throw the ball and please please please do not yell or question the umpire.  The coaches and players have everything covered in their roles.  Just sit back and enjoy the game knowing that mistakes are part of the big picture of learning.  And don’t forget the lyrics from our opening quote by Will Smith and the song “Parents Just Don’t Understand”.  Smith wrote this song as a teenager and now he has kids of his own and we all know his kids keep reminding him that he thought his parents didn’t get it either…