Enliven Daily

“Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.”

How many friends do you have; and I am not talking about Facebook?  Dictionary.com defines friend as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.  I have been blessed my entire life with great friends and it goes all the way back to my childhood.  I am positive this is the reason I was able to avoid many of the challenging situations today’s kids face.  I am still close with a bunch of the guys (and a girl) I went to elementary and junior high school with.  I have even run into a few others recently from high school.  In addition, I have met so many great new friends along my life journey which has brought joy to me and my family.

I am not against Facebook, MySpace and all the other networking groups on line.  But the Facebook concept of calling people “friends” does not seem genuine to me.  There are many that treat their “friend” total as a scorecard.  Athletes, celebrities and politicians have staff managing their accounts and the average person loves to try to be connected to famous people or have huge tallies.  Humans have an inert need for acceptance and maybe this venue allows many to satisfy this feeling.  I just don’t get it and I think it is because of the true real life friends I have and how they make me feel and vice versa.

Do not get me wrong, I am not against technology as I think it is a great tool.  But I do think technology is creating some barriers when it comes to relationship building and communication, especially among kids.  These days, kids as young as 9 years old have cell phones and are texting up a storm.  They also have Facebook accounts and send out invites to adults as I have had a few of my friends’ children send me a “friend request” as I do have a Facebook account but do not keep up with it.  I did not and will not accept these requests as with my own children, I am not here to be their friend first; I need to be a parent and the same goes for other kids.  Although I fall under the definition above based on how I feel about them, I am their coach or friend’s dad before I am their friend.

I remember reading somewhere that the best way to get friends is to be a friend and I like to think I have learned and done that in my life as referenced in our opening quote by boxing legend Muhammad Ali.  And it was not by pressing a button on a keyboard.

“Words should be used as tools of communication and not as a substitute for action”

Last night was President Obama’s first State of the Union and I could not watch for more than 2 minutes.  Not because of him as I actually enjoy listening to him speak and think he is very bright and has some answers to help fix many of the problems our country is facing.  What drives me nuts are all the sycophants in attendance lead by the two frauds sitting behind him that are on camera the entire time.  Combine that with those in the audience that are like Pavlov’s dogs whether Democrat or Republican.  The Republicans sit there and act like they are at a funeral while the Democrats treated it like a junior high pep rally; bouncing, clapping, hooting and hollering every chance they got. 

After my dry heaving from watching these clowns, I switched to my local cable channel to catch our school board meeting as we have a huge town vote in March with a few large expenditures on the ballot; with a much needed high school as one of them.  Have you ever watched your local cable access channel?  It is reality television at its best.  Despite having the professional architect who designed the school on the proposed site answer any and every question on why it can be successful and a great fit, one current school board member continues to create a negative campaign against it.  The frustration of many in the town is evident and like our national politicians, we hear lots of words but not much action or results.

Leadership is action.  It is not words; it is not title, rank or role.  Leadership should not necessarily be about being liked but the reality is that a likeability quality is needed to not only get elected or placed in a role but to also help influence those you need to help carry out your plans and goals.  As a leader, your goal is to get people to follow you either literally or based on your instruction.  Unfortunately, there are those who try to get people to follow by preying on people’s fears.  What I mean is, they don’t inspire people to follow based on what they can offer, instead they try to make people afraid if they do not follow and thus end up supporting or following by default.  It’s wrong and rarely leads to good things in the end.

I am not sure what is in store for our country but I think we are trending in the right direction and hope President Obama has learned many lessons from his first year.  As for my town, our vote is in March and as I wrote about last week, there are 2 people stepping up for School Committee which I think will bring genuine leadership.  The high school will be a small hit to our taxes but an investment I hope many see the value in and stop listening to the blah blah blah others are putting out there.  (Click Here) to see a video of what I was talking about in my opening lines.  It is not from last night but it sure as heck could have been.   Not sure who gave us our opening quote but I liked it.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever does”

Bullying in all walks of life is a reality.  It has gone on for ages in different forms and these days it is going on in and out of schools more than most people realize.  Less than a year ago I wrote about this as a young boy took his life after been bullied by classmates and now last week, we have another case, this time a young girl, who also was a victim at the hands and words of gutless cowards.   (Click Here) for a piece from the Globe’s Kevin Cullen who gives some details as well as the lack of follow-up on this tragedy.

I remember vividly what it was like growing up and the different groups and cliques in school.  Maybe I was lucky because I always had a great group of friends and seemed to get along with everybody.  But bullying did occur and one of my good friends was the victim of an older kid who teased and then pushed him around one day trying to goad him into a fight.  This older kid was a complete scumbag and if he did not change his attitude as he got older, I have zero doubt that he is either dead or living a miserable life causing much grief and anguish to others. 

My friends and I never bullied anyone.  We were no angels as we would talk about the kids we thought were nerds but never would we do anything in front of them or to them.  There was not a lot of public or even private bullying going on throughout middle and high school that I can remember and I am certain that is a direct correlation to our parents who raised us during this time.  We were taught in the home to respect others, especially our elders but also other kids.  We were also taught to fight our own battles one on one if we had issues with another kid.   

As we all would suspect, technology is a huge factor in bullying these days as people can email, text and post things to try to humiliate and intimidate others.  In addition, we are now glorifying those who act like assholes (pardon my French) or seek attention as evidenced by shows like Jackass, Jersey Shore and even Survivor, Wife Swap and The Bachelor.  Combine this with parents today who never had their time in the spotlight or what they felt was a cool childhood of popularity by playing sports or hanging with the “in crowd”, and you have adults not only trying to live through heir kids but condoning and supporting their inappropriate behavior.  It all comes down to the desperate need everyone has for attention and acceptance.

Although the cause and solution of bullying mostly starts at home; school administrators, police, teachers, coaches and especially other parents must work together in a zero tolerance process.  I try to do my part anywhere and everywhere if I see any kid(s) picking on another whether on the field or at the mall.  For the sake of every child, I am asking you to get involved too and believe the words of Margaret Mead from our opening quote.

“So much of a professional athlete's success depends upon not necessarily the play itself but how he deals with... always saying how you deal with good, is just as important as how you deal with bad.”

This past was one of my favorite sports days of the year as it was NFL Conference Championship weekend.  The Colts played the Jets and the Vikings took on the Saints with Super Bowl berths at stake for each winner.  Both games had fantastic story lines with brazen Jets lead by their confident coach already making Super Bowl plans combined with 40 year-old Brett Favre who was retired 6 months ago, trying to get his new team to the Promised Land.  Both favorites and home teams prevailed in two great games but the highlights was the Vikings/Saints game that went to overtime.

For the Colts, if they did not make and probably have to win the Super Bowl, they will be forever questioned on resting starters at the end of the season and forfeiting a chance for a perfect regular season.  Their goal has always been the Super Bowl and their leaders made a Choice to potentially lose a regular season game or two to have their team best set up for a playoff run.  So far, the strategy looks like the right one.

For the Vikings, this year has been all about Brett Favre.  Favre has been nicknamed the “Gunslinger” for his reckless attitude on the field and self-confidence to complete any pass under any circumstance.  Like anything in life, high risk can carry high reward and Favre has had much success over his 20 year career.  But risk always carries potential consequences and Favre is also very familiar with this especially in his most recent playoff appearances.  Two years ago, what many thought may have been the last pass of his career, was an interception in an overtime playoff game that lead to an opponent touchdown.  History repeated itself two days ago as Favre was just about to complete a fairy tale sports ending as he was beat-up but still lead his team into field goal range with seconds remaining in a tie game.

But the Gunslinger took over and instead of throwing the ball away or even running it out of bounds, Favre tried a very difficult pass that I am sure he has completed in the past, if only a small percentage of the time.  One of the first things you tell every quarterback, even as early as age 6 is that you never throw across your body.  What that means is that you do not run (or roll in football speak) one way and try to throw back the other.  Favre did this and the ball was intercepted.  Because there was little time left in regulation, the Saints did not score but they did get the opening kickoff and marched down field for the winning field goal.  Once again, Favre’s potential last pass of his career may be an interception in a Conference Championship game. 

Is there a life or sports lesson we can learn from Favre?  As I told my sons after that game and as I tell every team I coach, “you play like you practice”.  Games, especially at the highest levels are so fast that you rarely have time to think when executing a play, especially football and the position of quarterback.  Even at a young age, athletes can teach their bodies “muscle memory” when it comes to running, throwing, hitting, shooting, kicking and so on.  Then when the time comes to execute, instinct takes over and you do as you have practiced and trained your body.  Unfortunately for Favre, his career and reputations was as a high-risk, high-reward quarterback and this time, it did not go his way.  Brett Favre gave us our opening quote which is words he will need to heed in the months and years to come.  He left it all on the field Sunday and has nothing to be ashamed of but anyone who watched this game knows he wishes he made a different Choice.  Unfortunately, he couldn’t as it is hard to change who we are unless we work at it.

Have you kept up at all with the Tonight Show feud between NBC, Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien?  That show and time slot is one of the most premier and profitable things not only in show business but business in general as evidenced by NBC’s $40 million buyout of O’Brien and his staff.  They want to put Leno back in there after his move to 10pm was less than stellar.  Many have been saying O’Brien got screwed as he was not given enough time to make a ratings impact but even as he knows, that’s the nature of this business. 

I rarely watch any talk shows as I have never really enjoyed them.  But I caught clips of O’Brien’s farewell remarks and I truly appreciated them for as much as he joked about all the stuff going on, it was obvious it had an impact on him.  He left with class and here is what he said to end his last show.  It is the last paragraph that I feel is great advice for all of us, especially when dealing with conflict at work as well as at home:

"Before we end this rodeo, a few things need to be said. There has been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can't say about NBC.  To set the record straight, tonight I am allowed to say anything I want. And what I want to say is this: between my time at Saturday Night Live, The Late Night Show, and my brief run here on The Tonight Show, I have worked with NBC for over twenty years. 

Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we're going to go our separate ways.  But this company has been my home for most of my adult life.  I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible.

Walking away from The Tonight Show is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium.

But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-11 parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun.

And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational.

To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I called my mother on Wednesday after the Massachusetts Senate election to ask if she voted for Scott Brown and if she was happy with the results.  Her response: “are you kidding me, of course I did!”  Retirement and healthcare are two very important factors to my mom and between Coakley and the national healthcare plan, many like my mom felt that Brown was the best person to support their interests.  The bottom line is that he was a candidate, better yet, a person, who people felt they could believe in.

Brownmania should settle down after this week but is anyone else amazed at what a buzz a State Senate election has created?  He is a likeable guy with a charismatic family (wife a news reporter in Boston, daughter a finalist on American Idol and another daughter who looks good on camera) who drives a pickup truck and wears his suede jacket over his shirt and tie.  We are living in cynical times where conservatively I would say that 3 out of 4 stories we hear on the news or read on line are negative in nature whether it’s disasters like the Haitian earthquake, murders, theft or politicians fathering children not by his wife.  Factor in the economy and unethical behavior and greed in business, cheating athletes and religious leaders betraying our trust, how can we blame people for some of their feelings about others.

This is the main reason Scott Brown has captured so much attention but also why there are those trying to temper it and find chinks in his fictitious armor.  I was watching live when he made his comment about his daughters being available and knew immediately there was going to be those critics who would seize the opportunity to condemn him for it.  The reason I knew was that I have made similar goofy comments like that professionally and personally as I do a lot of speaking, presenting and coaching.  For me and I suspect with Brown, it comes out of nervousness or in a happy moment where you have a crowd excited and you want to continue the momentum with something witty or funny.  If the comment is made at a BBQ with friends and/or family, it goes over great but when made in public, with people you do not know and able to be seen by a million people for example, the numbers game tells you that even if 95% felt it was no big deal, 50,000 people did not appreciate it and some of them (the people I refer to as weasals) will try to use it against you.

For those in Massachusetts, I envy you as you are excited about one of your new leaders and I hope the momentum continues in DC.  For everyone, find people you can believe in and let them know it and offer your support or appreciation.  This is not about politics as there are teachers, coaches, bosses, dads, moms, siblings and friends all around us.  Our opening quote by Maya Angelou says it best as I think about past teachers and coaches in my life and the impact I hope to have on people I meet.    

“I didn't have big movie offers, or any big agents wanting to work with me. I had to go grassroots, start at the bottom and go on 150 auditions before someone finally gave me a shot.”

I continue to be inspired at what Scott Brown pulled off in Massachusetts.  He now has a seat at the table and I hope he is able to drive positive change and accountability at all levels and with all groups.  I want to introduce you to a friend of mine named Rob Hardy.  Rob and I live in Pelham, which is a small town in Southern New Hampshire right over the Massachusetts border with a population of about 12,500.  We have both lived here for over 10 years and have known each other for about the last 4.  Small world as we have a mutual good friend that Rob went to high school and I went to college with.

I have always respected Rob since I first met him based on his genuine personality but also as a dad, coach, husband and friend.  He is the kind of person when you ask him for a favor, his response is not “what” or “depends” which puts conditions on what a friend will do for you; it is always “whatever you need”.    My respect has grown even more over the last year as Rob has made the Choice to help with the major problems we are having in town with education and specifically getting a much needed new high school.  He got involved with the high school building committee and now, along with another resident, Andy Ducharme, is running for School Board.

The challenge our town faces is that we are not a community; better yet, I would describe us as a divided community.  We have families that have lived here their entire life and with generations before.  There are transplants like me and many of my friends who grew up outside of Boston but love the land and homes we have in a smaller town.  There are families with kids in school, kid’s no longer in school and retirees.  We are referred to as a “bedroom community” as we have very little big business (and thus little taxes raised through this method) where people commute to their jobs elsewhere.  These days, people want lower taxes and when the need for a school or fire station comes up, so do the proponents and opponents.

Similar to the Boston senate campaign, our small town politics has its share of negative behavior by many.  Those that do not want a new high school are trying to use fear to get people to vote against it.  This is where Rob and Andy have stepped up to hopefully get on the School Board and join last year’s grassroots and write-in winner Deb Ryan to try to drive positive change and long-term positive results.  If you are around the Pelham area this Friday night, Rob and Andy are having a fundraiser to help offset their campaign costs.  It is at Shooter’s on Bridge Street starting at 8pm and will have a band, raffles and great conversation.  If you live in Pelham, give Rob a call.  I do not know Andy but knowing Rob, this is one of those instances where being guilty by association is a positive thing.

Grassroots seems to be the theme these days like our opening quote from Donnie Wahlberg.  We will know in a few months if it is continuing, good luck Rob and Andy.

“Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.”

Well it happened in Massachusetts yesterday as Republican Scott Brown defeated Democrat Martha Coakley in a very close race to take the open Senate seat left by the death of Ted Kennedy.  It is further proof that when we Inspire First, Results Will Follow as Massachusetts has been a Democratic state since the time I was born and Brown winning this election has sent a strong message nationally but especially to Washington D.C.  Brown has a likeability and down to earth presence that endeared him to voters including those who felt the way elections are run needs to change.

Up to even a month ago, Coakley and her team felt victory was a slam dunk but as Brown narrowed the gap, Coakley got worried, even scared.  When people are scared, they are faced with Choices and emotion is often a huge factor in what they do next.  The Coakley camp decided to go after Brown to attempt to influence people to vote against him instead of inspiring people to vote for her on what she would do for them as their next senator.  As we saw last night, that strategy backfired and I for one am glad it did.

As I wrote about yesterday, each side had their share of famous and influential people supporting them.  If people chose to vote for one or the other based on this, there is not much one can do as we all have a right to vote.  What I did not like was President Obama taking such an active role in supporting his party’s candidate as it was purely to get more people that agree with his policies and agenda.  How much does he really know about Martha Coakley?  President Obama is a charismatic leader who is able to influence people but that only takes one so far.  Now people want results and one year after his election, people are still looking for all the change and hope he promised.  Do you think President Obama regrets his witty comment over the weekend about Brown’s truck?  And don’t get me started on John Kerry.

Tomorrow, I will introduce you to two men in Pelham, New Hampshire who are trying their own influential political campaign and going about it the right way – Inspiring First!  Change is upon us in the way campaigns are run which reinforces our opening quote by Robin Williams in the movie “Man of the Year”.

“You don't have to be a ‘person of influence’ to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.”

Our title entry is two expressions I could not stand when I worked full-time in the corporate sector as too many people used these venues for personal or political gain or both.  We live in a society where those who can motivate, inspire and lead, will get followers and drive positive results or change which should lead to success.  Unfortunately, we also live in a society where people are tempted by negative forces such as greed, revenge, jealousy and selfishness.  We all have free will and can make Choices – both good and bad and every day, thanks to technology and the media, we see it all.  The destruction in Haiti has touched emotions in everyone and thanks to famous athletes and celebrities, money is pouring in.  Sadly, there is still a long way to go as many Haitians are using this tragedy to steal, rape and pillage.

If you live in or around Massachusetts, you know that today is a huge election for the Senate.  I am a registered Independent and think party lines do more harm than good as it is basically a sophisticated gang-like mentality.  Massachusetts has long been a Democratic state as this opening is for the seat Ted Kennedy held for about 40 years.  But this is not the late Ted Kennedy’s seat as his wife has tried to convince voters in her ads supporting Martha Coakley who is trying to hold off Republican Scott Brown.  To see the importance of this one seat, look no further than Barack Obama coming to Boston this past weekend to show his support for Coakley.  But the Republicans are no better trying to influence voters as they had Rudy Giuliani in last week along with Boston sports stars like Curt Schilling, Doug Flutie and others standing with Brown and his family.

My point (as I just wrote two paragraphs and realized it felt good to vent but I did not get to a point)?  Is this how we make Choices in our life, because of how we feel about celebrities, politicians and athletes?  The scary part is that many kids do and if you doubt that, look at how they dress, words they use, tattoos they get and so on.  If Puffy, Papi or Lebron say or do it, kids take it as gospel.  Many adults do too, especially on how they support a political candidate.  What I also can’t stand are the negative campaign ads, especially in politics.  To me, this is cowardly and it goes on at all levels of leadership from political elections to the workplace to your town where you may not like your child’s coach or teacher.

So how do we stop or change this?  I do not think you can stop people from spewing negative stuff nor would I not want to have free speech so let’s set our sights on changing it.  Just as there will always be those wanting face-time and being on a soapbox, we must try our best to convince people to make Choices not based solely on what they hear or who they like but rather how they feel and who they truly believe in based on doing a little homework.  I have learned to not judge a book by its cover as when people or things are too good to be true, they usually are and conversely, when you hear someone or something is so bad, I remember that there was once some good in everyone and everything and not to believe the hype.

By tomorrow morning, we will know how things turned out in Massachusetts.  Many will vote along party lines and that is their Choice.  But I hope more and more people are voting and giving money based on what their own mind and soul tell them and not what celebrities and athletes are.  Cartoonist Scott Adams sums this up perfectly in our opening quote.

(Editor’s Note – all this week we have featured a favorite movie of Enliven First and the lessons we can learn from it.  The opening quote will be from that movie so for those who like trying to guess where it came from, do not read any further as the title will be revealed shortly).

“They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? - - Carpe - - hear it? - - Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”

If you have been following this space all week, you saw not only a movie theme but 3 of the 4 movies featured Robin Williams playing a dramatic role.  He is, as you would suspect, one of my favorite actors and these movies can make us all take a look at the Choices we make in our lives.  Today, I leave you with the advice he gave in our opening quote from “Dead Poets Society” where he tells some young men to ‘Seize the Day’ and make their lives extraordinary. 

Not a day goes by I do not examine my life; where it is, where it was and where I want it to be.  Much of this has to do with my kids as I am constantly reflecting back to when I was their age (6^th grade and 4^th grade currently) and what is going on in their young minds.  I then compare it to what was going on in my life 30 years ago and how I looked at the world and the people in my life.  Many will say kids today are growing up in a different world than you and I but I disagree; they still face very similar challenges and Choices that we did.

I remember being asked as a kid what I wanted to be when I grew up and I had two answers – either a civil engineer or a lawyer.  Very different jobs but my dad was a junior civil engineer and although I did not know what he did, I liked the title.  Not sure why I said lawyer but maybe it was my desire to debate at such a young age that shaped this view.  Today when we ask my oldest son what he wants to do he tells us an accountant like his mom.  Our youngest wants to be a teacher like his dad.  Time will tell us how this turns out.

Today is the first day of the rest of all of our lives and there is no need to wait to start achieving great things.  Great things do not mean national attention, fame or fortune; it can consist of being a great dad, teacher, coach or volunteer.  Don’t try to boil the ocean, take it one step at a time and remember that you have those around you who can help you discover your own “Carpe Diem”.  Have a great weekend and (Click Here) for the clip containing our opening quote.

(Editor’s Note – all this week we will feature a favorite movie of Enliven First and what lessons we can learn from it.  The opening quote will be from that movie so for those who like trying to guess where it came from, do not read any further as the title will be revealed shortly).

“You can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, ‘once more unto the breach dear friends.’ But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms ‘visiting hours’ don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself.”

Kind of a long opening quote today but one of the truly inspirational movie scenes of all times as Robin Williams plays Professor Sean Maguire in Goodwill Hunting and tries to get through to a brilliant kid who is fighting demons.  Why does Professor Maguire do it?  First of all because he was asked.  Secondly, despite the first meeting of the two that had Maguire wanting to crush Will Hunting, he knew this kid needed help.  I know this is a fictional movie but for those who think this kind of thing could not happen, go watch a recent favorite movie added to my list – “The Blindside” starring Sandra Bullock.

I just taught a class yesterday on Generational Diversity, to a great client.  In the class we talk about all the different generations present in the workplace and the dynamics of each.  We have those age 65 or above who may still be working called the Traditionalists and the values and life events that shape their views and behavior.  Next we have the Baby Boomers who are the generation making up a majority of leadership and managerial roles in our country.  After that is my generation, Gen X who grew up after the Vietnam War and saw a time of peace in our country with technology taking off (the good old Atari 2600).  Finally we have Gen Y who is the fastest growing population entering the workforce these days and if you ask any manager, are also the most challenging group to understand.

Will Smith wrote a popular song about 20 years ago titles “Parent’s Don’t Understand” and just about everyone can relate to it as every generation thinks the other does not get it or does not do things the right way.   Just as I do not think my father understands me and he think his way is better than mine, my son and I have the same dichotomy.  Yet I relate to so many other kids my sons’ ages and feel I make an impact in their life, on and off the field.  Like we learned in the movie Goodwill Hunting, people of all ages want to be inspired and feel a sense of belonging and worth.  Sometimes it takes someone to believe in them to bring it out.  (Click Here) to see the scene from our opening quote above.  (Warning - if listening at work or around kids, there are two f-bombs dropped but they are rather well placed).

(Editor’s Note – all this week we will feature a favorite movie of Enliven First and what lessons we can learn from it.  The opening quote will be from that movie so for those who like trying to guess where it came from, do not read any further as the title will be revealed shortly).

“People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.”

Last night in Boston, there was a debate between Democrat Martha Coakley and Republican Scott Brown for Ted Kennedy’s open Senate seat.  I did not have to watch as I knew how it would probably go; with accusations, questions of character and promises.  Whether it is the national level or even in your community with people running for a volunteer board, getting elected is about inspiring people and sadly, negative campaigns work where people may not be voting for one person bur rather are voting against the other person.  I actually did this (voting against one person) in 2002 when Gore was running against Bush; I voted for the lesser of what I felt were two bad Choices.

Leaders must be genuine in both their actions and words as we learn in our opening quote from “The American President”.  Since I live in New Hampshire, I am not interested in the Massachusetts Senate race.  What I am very curious to follow over the next few years is Pete Carroll’s transition back to the NFL.  For those who may not follow football (and thus may not enjoy this space as much as others), Pete Carroll had an unsuccessful stint as a head coach in the NFL but then found what seemed like the perfect fit at the collegiate level as head coach of the USC Trojans, including two national championships.  Now he is going back to the NFL to take over the Seattle Seahawks.

I do not think Carroll will be successful in Seattle as his leadership style is not suited for the NFL.  I also think the reason he is leaving USC is because of some questionable recruiting Choices he or his staff have made over the years, which broke NCAA rules.  Where there is smoke, there is usually fire and USC’s athletic program is very cloudy and hot these days.  There are so many lessons in the movie “The American President”, such as leadership requiring you to make Choices that will leave some people happy and others not.  But it also shows us how passionate a leader must be about the people or company they lead. 

For Michael Douglas’ character, he delivered it perfect as his love for his country was second only to the love of his family.  For too many coaches, politicians and managers these days, their job is more about themselves than about their constituents.   You will see how it ends in the movie and time will tell how it turns out for Carroll.  (Click Here) for the scene involving our opening quote by Michael J. Fox’s character.

“Look beyond the fingers! Now tell me how many you see. You're focusing on the problem. If you focus on the problem, you can't see the solution. Never focus on the problem! See what no one else sees. See what everyone chooses not to see... out of fear, conformity or laziness. See the whole world anew each day!”

(Editor’s Note – all this week we will feature a favorite movie of Enliven First and what we lessons we can learn from it.  The opening quote will be from that movie so for those who like trying to guess where it came from, do not read any further as the title will be revealed shortly).

I just got home from a great night with my family and some of my sons’ friends as my wife had her annual holiday party at Pats Peak ski resort.  They rent out the tubing park and all the employees are welcome to attend and their kids bring some friends.  I did my few runs with my family and then made it to the pub to watch the best NFL game of the weekend as the Cardinals held on to beat the Packers in what ESPN will surely call and “Instant Classic”.  When I got home that night, one of my favorite movies was on and it is also where I took our opening quote.  That movie was “Patch Adams” starring Robin Williams and it’s based on the life and lessons taught by Dr. Hunter “Patch” Adams.

If you have not seen the movie, I urge you on one of these cold winter nights to check it out.  Patch Adams was a trailblazer who once wanted to end his life but then realized that he wanted to help others understand it, especially those who needed help the most; those who are/were sick.  He showed brilliance in so many aspects of the word; academics, creativity, courage, you name it.  But whether it is 40 years ago or today, many in academia sometimes get threatened by brilliance as it conflicts with their own egos and feeling of self-worth. 

Patch would not be deterred as he faced many obstacles and challenges in his life.  You show him a problem, he saw opportunity.  You tell him something couldn’t be done, he would simply ask why, and then again, focus on a solution.  Through it all, he used the talent he was blessed with – humor.  Patch reminds us not only in the movie about his life (brilliantly played by Robin Williams) but through his efforts to this day, that we all have problems, big and small.  But Patch teaches us that building relationships and helping others will give us riches we could not only dream of but also help us find success and happiness in this journey we call life.  (Click Here) to see the clip from our opening quote, with apologies for the subtitles. 

(Editor’s Note – I was going through some past entries and this one from February 7, 2008, almost 2 years ago jumped out at me as NFL playoffs start this weekend.  For those who do not recall the date or wonder the reference below, it was the day after the New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl and Perfection to the New York Giants).

“Because we constantly need to remind ourselves we're alive. Gambling's not your problem. It's this (bleeped) up need to feel something. To convince yourself you exist. That's the problem.  You know, the best part of the best drug in the world isn't the high. It's the moment just before you take it. The dice are dancing on the table. Between now and the time they stop, that's the greatest high in the world.”

Editor’s note – I received an email from someone I met professionally who is now a friend.  I thought it was the perfect entry so I called him to ask if I could use it and he agreed.  Here it is verbatim below.

Advice to self:

What Super Bowl, never happened.  Sports are dead to me!  Make it go away.  Sunday was a life changing experience for me.  I will never watch sports again.  I will never allow myself to be so emotionally affected by something that has no bearing on my life. I have not watched ESPN, NESN, radio 850, nothing in three damm days.  I will never watch or listen to those stations again.

This was an eye opening experience about what matters and what does not.  I will now reallocate my wasted time following sports to my family.  Dead serious here, no more, never again.  Sports are not the manifestation of life, quite the opposite; they suck the life out of you.  They consume your every waking hour from the moment you start your day with talk radio, then newspapers while on the train, ESPN after supper, pre-game, post game, highlights, point/counter point shows, enough.  When you do the math, you quickly realize how much time you invest in worldly, unfruitful pursuits.

Sports fans are like heroin addicts looking for their next fix.  They move from one sport to another, season to season in search of exactly what I ask you?  Their thirst is insatiable, one, two, three Super bowls, or World Series always looking for the ultimate high, never finding it.  No sooner do you win once or twice and people start talking dynasty.  Webster's definition of a dynasty is as follows: A family or group that maintains power for some time.

See the theme here, sports become your family.  You live vicariously through sports all the while removed from your true family.  The media has trained us to react in a Pavlovian manor.  They crown them kings and we rush out to buy all kinds of paraphernalia, from news papers, to hats, jerseys, DVDs, all in an effort to ride the wave, to feel the high.  Well ain't it a major buzz kill the Pats lost.  What exactly did you lose?  Going through withdrawals, the shakes, heebee jeebees?  Trouble sleeping or eating the last two days?  Join the club.

In short the only dynasty that matters is the kingdom of God.  Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.  Hi my name is “John” and I am a recovering Sportsaholic.

God bless...     

My friend loves sports, especially football and is also my age.  I knew the first time we met, he was great people and I am glad we keep in touch.  He does not gamble so his email to me was not a result of losing any money, I am confident he had a revelation as to what was truly important in his life.  But I had to use the quote above from the movie “Two for the Money” (starring Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey) as it was on all last weekend and I had to watch it.  Plus it does a great job surmising just as “John” did, the need people have to feel something or belong and how it constantly affects our Choices.

“People leave managers, not companies.”

I love working for myself these days but I do miss the corporate sector at times as for the most part, I loved my jobs.  Could not stand some of the people associated with the jobs/companies but loved what I did first working on a college campus as a Director of Student Life and basketball coach and then in the mutual fund industry as a client service manager leading a dedicated team.  Part of what made those jobs so satisfying was my passion for leadership; a role I took extremely serious.  The other thing I enjoyed was the relationships I formed with staff, students, clients and co-workers.

(Click Here) for the latest data on job satisfaction and you can probably guess where the numbers fall.  None of this surprised me as this is the reason I left the corporate sector a few years ago to start my own gig working with companies and groups to help them inspire those they work with in various environments – office, classroom, community, athletics, etc.  This is similar data I posted a few years ago on Enliven First and sadly, the numbers are getting worse from then.

Below are some of the most telling comments from the above article:

Carrasco said he wishes his bosses would take time to listen to workers' ideas — and their difficulties on the job. "Most of the time they only listen to what their bosses are saying," he says. "Bosses need to come down to the employee level more and see what actually goes on, versus what their paperwork tells them is happening in the stores." It wouldn't be fair to blame low job satisfaction solely on bad bosses, Barrington says. "It is two-way responsibility," she says. "Workers also have to figure out what they should be doing to be the most engaged in their jobs and the most productive."

And this ladies and gentlemen is what I teach and do pretty well if my clients do say so themselves (and I make shameless plug here..).  I love what I do and more importantly, know that I am helping make a difference in people’s lives in and out of the office.  Although leadership guru Marcus Buckingham is credited with our opening quote, I first heard it from my Uncle Tony.  Why this light is not dawning on more leaders is the main reason our nation’s job satisfaction numbers are so low.  If you want to learn more on how I can help, give me a shout.