Enliven Daily

“If the hand of time, were hand that I could hold, I'd keep them warm. And in my hand they'd not turn cold. Hand in hand we'd choose, the moments that should last. Timeless moments, that have no future and no past.”

It’s the last day of 2009 and we move to not only another year, another decade.  Remember 10 years ago when we thought the business world or even our entire world was going to end when we entered the New Millenium or Y2K?  What were computers, banks and even our coffee makers going to do?  I remember working at Putnam Investments and we had staff in the entire weekend to handle the thousands of phone calls we were going to get.  We got 10 and people made double overtime pay to play cribbage and read books.   

Ten years later and my coffee maker still works.  OK, I never had a coffee maker back then but it makes the line sound better.  Ten years ago I was married to my beautiful wife Tracy and our boys had just 3 and 1 years old respectively.  I was 31 years old and at the time felt my life could not be better both professionally and personally.  Needless to say it was quite an interesting decade when we look at 9/11, my cancer battle and going out on my own professionally.  What a ride!

So today and this long weekend, reflect back on your last 10 years but do without any regrets or sadness.  Realize that it has prepared you for this next decade.  We all make mistakes in our lives so learn from them.  We had great times so think about them and share the stories.  But then focus on what lies ahead and how great the days, weeks, months and years to come can be for all of us.  It will not be easy at times but think back to some of those times you thought you might never get through in years past and you know you did and here we are.

Be safe and have fun tonight and this weekend.  I wish all my friends and family, old and new, an exciting New Year!  Today’s opening quote is from the Johnny Mathis son “The Hands of Time” by Johnny Mathis which was also the theme to my favorite movie “Brian’s Song”.  (Click Here) to hear it in its entirety and even read some of the comments below it. 

"People want you to be a crazy, out-of-control teen brat. They want you miserable, just like them. They don't want heroes; what they want is to see you fall"

Too often we hear stories about a child and refer to it as a parent’s worst nightmare.  Today we hear of a story about a teenager where the parents can be proud of the Choice their child made this past weekend.  (Click Here) to read the story about a quick thinking teenager who when faced with a major problem, turned to his parents for help and advice.  I am not sure the relationship of the teens to the other adults in this story but my guess is that the family knew the driver and his pal and arranged for a ride to and from the game for their son and his friend.  This driver will get everything he deserves.

Let’s think back to our teenage years and ask ourselves if we would have made the same Choice this kid did if faced with same situation?  Better yet, would we make the same Choice if it happened today, at a Patriots game, and the person under the influence was your ride home and refused to give up keys?  We can talk ad nauseum about what we should do but when it comes down to making the Choice, it usually takes great courage.  For teens, we have videos, pamphlets, classes, etc. in and out of school but is it sinking in when we factor in the peer pressure they face?  Like I have said many times in this space, these lessons must start and continue in the home, it is not up to schools although they are a great compliment to help with the message and offer resources.

Congrats to this teen for his smart and potentially life-saving Choice as Northampton is not a short ride from Foxborough.  As parents, we try to teach our kids and prepare them for life, especially when they leave the house.  Not only did this kid recognize a potential dangerous situation, he also reacted in a smart way.  Leonardo DiCaprio gave us our opening quote about teenagers and sadly that is the stereotype so many have of today’s teen and their behavior.  But it is just that, a stereotype or media hype as there are many more examples about the smart Choices teens make like in our story above; we just need to share and talking more about these teens than the others.

“I don’t know any other way to lead but by example.”

Twenty, thirty, even fifty years ago, especially in professional football, it was a badge of honor to get a concussion.  Most players would keep playing despite the affects and would not know the ramifications until years later, if at all.  Today, despite the increased attention on head injuries and staggering data to support what a critical point we are at, especially with kids, more must be done at all levels.  Unfortunately, too many involved at all levels of (but especially youth) sports, do not have a medical background and either do not recognize the symptoms or sadly put winning over the health of a player.

(Click Here) for the latest story of a college football player and the alleged Choices his head coach made to deal with his concussion.  There are always at least two and sometimes three or more sides to all stories but I have always believed where there is smoke, there was, is or will be fire.  For anyone not to believe there is enormous stress in coaching, especially at the collegiate level, look no further than two-time NCAA football champion Urban Meyer of Florida who at age 45, just resigned from one of college football’s most successful programs to focus on his health.  He has since amended that to a leave of absence but he sites stress from coaching as the main cause of his health woes.

As for Texas Tech in the above article, head coach Mike Leach and his Red Raiders are now considered a football powerhouse.  But this season has not been going well for Leach and his team and he has made some emotional Choices when dealing with his players.  I will not make excuses for Leach’s prior frustrations and discipline of players as today’s young athlete is much more challenging thanks to cell phones, Ipods, Twitter, Facebook and the list goes on.  But the days of trying to prove one’s toughness by making kids or even adults play injured need to be over.  As a coach and a parent, I know the difference between playing hurt and playing injured.  Concussions are an injury with no gray area.

There are many national organizations, schools and former professional athletes leading the charge to address this issue but that is not enough.  All of us must make sure that we look out for not only our own kids but those in any leagues we are affiliated with either locally or as the James family is doing, the collegiate level.  Mike Leach should have known better than to try to intimidate or make an example out of a player who was hurt.  It is clear he is frustrated with his team’s behavior and based on his comments and sanctions, he may no longer be able to inspire his players to make good Choices on and off the field and in meetings (see article for a player Tweeting during a team meeting and taking a shot at Leach).

I have said it before and will continue to pound the message – “Inspire First, Results Will Follow”.  You can beg, you can threaten and you can even try to bribe or dangle golden carrots but it will never give you sustainable results unless the people you depend on for success truly believe your message and vision in their heart.  After this past weekend, there is still only one perfect season in the NFL – the 1972 Miami Dolphins.  Their head coach, Don Shula, gave us our opening quote that all coaches should follow.

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.”

There’s hope for our society when I heard about the attached story.  (Click Here) as I saw this story as a quick 30 second segment on CNN and yet it was not that easy to find on line.  These stories are not sexy to news agencies like actress deaths or cheating husbands so they do not gather much attention.   Why is it that if these people made the Choice to loot the store, it would be all over the news?  Yet on Christmas night, a store normally open 24 hours, was mistakenly left unlocked and people made the Choice to do the right thing and leave money for the items they needed.

What I love most about this story is that only the individual would know what they did.  Cynics will point to surveillance cameras and other shoppers as the reason people left money but I don’t buy that.  Maybe it was the Christmas spirit that had people thinking about what they should do that night as the store reports that nothing was stolen so it appears everybody bought into doing the right thing.

We all need to look in the mirror for the Choices we make in our lives even if we think we can get away with doing things we know we should not do.  Like our opening quote I found attributed to Oprah Winfrey, these shoppers who made the Choice to do what is right know the integrity they live their life by.  So many others could learn a lesson from them in 2010.

“It's Christmas Eve. It's-it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we-we-we smile a little easier, we-w-w-we-we-we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be.”

I am always reflective this time of year as it was 7 years ago tomorrow, Christmas Eve 2002 when I got one of the greatest presents of my life even though I was not awake to enjoy it.  It was on that day when my battle with cancer turned in my favor and doctors declared my leukemia in remission.  I was 34 years old and got a 2^nd chance at life and like to think that I am making the most of it.  I am still far from perfect but show me someone who is and I will show you someone who has nothing left to do.

I just had lunch with my friend Mike who used to coach with me over the past 3 years.  I think about how we first met and it was about 3 or 4 years ago this time and it was pure luck.  Kathy from our Parks and Recreation department paired us up as coaches in the basketball league and we hit it off instantly.  Our families have since become friends and I wonder if we would have connected had it not be for Kathy.  Funny how things work out sometimes.

I hope everyone enjoys the next few days and the New Year to come.  The past is behind us and the future ahead of us but the best gift of all is staring us right in our faces; which is why it is called the “present”.  Some ideas to consider over the next few days in no particular order:

·         Reach out to an old friend or family member.

·         Tell your loved ones how grateful you are to have them in your life.

·         Make a small donation to a charity.

·         Mend a fence or bury a hatchet (never knew where this expression came from).

·         Don’t dwell on the past, look forward to the future.

·         Laugh a lot.

·         Thank people more.

·         Sit back and reflect on how blessed we truly are.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.  Enjoy and be safe.  I had a lot of opening quotes to consider but I went with Bill Murray in the movie “Scrooged”.

“A Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other wolf is fear, greed and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?" asks the young boy. "Whichever one I feed," is the reply.”

What did Mayor Tom Menino and the Red Sox think was going to happen when they decided on their public skating promotion at Fenway Park?  For those who may not be from around Boston, this year, the National Hockey League (NHL) is having their annual “Winter Classic” at Fenway Park between the Boston Bruins and Philadelphia Flyers.  The Red Sox ownership, never missing an opportunity for revenue is offering the outdoor rink up to others at roughly $10,000 an hour and has had many takers.  They have also organized a free skate for city residents as a way for the Mayor to give back.  (Click Here) to see the story of a good idea turning bad.

The Red Sox, the city of Boston and the Mayor’s office dropped the ball (or puck) on this as they should have had a better system in place.  The Red Sox know everything is open game for scalpers as on game day when they have tickets available, they make people get them at the window and walk right into the park without a chance to make a profit on them.  As you read the article, my gut tells me that some tickets were given out to friends of the Mayor or Red Sox and not to people who waited in lines.  Note the anonymous person who talks about his 12 tickets and VIP access.

I am wondering why the Mayor’s office does not use all its resources and just sting these people trying to scalp like so many college and professional sports teams do?  Have people respond to the ad and agree to get the tickets and find out who the people are or if they have some sort of list, make every person go through a body cavity like checkpoint like an airport to prove the tickets were obtained  the right way.

Like so many things in life, a good thing gets tainted by greed.   And as our opening Native American proverb reminds us, greed, like just about everything else in our life, is still a Choice.

“Until we meet again, may God bless you as he has blessed me.”

Do you ever wonder why your path crosses that of others in your life?  I do.  But I truly believe that we are meant to meet so many different people and always be thankful that we do.  That happened to me this past Friday night as a few friends and I went to another buddy’s liquor store for a wine tasting event.  Our buddy told us Milan Lucic of the Boston Bruins would be there which sounded cool but I mainly went to taste some wine and do some shopping.  We got there a little early so we decided to go next door to Bobby C’s restaurant for a few bites and a cocktail (ok a few cocktails and a bite).

The restaurant was excellent as it was hopping and we had some great appetizers, a few drinks and great conversation among friends.  About a half hour after we arrived, an elderly gentleman sat next to me at the bar and it was clear he goes to Bobby C’s often as every worker there knew him and said hello.  We introduced ourselves, got to talking and he was just one of the nicest people you could ever meet.  Our bartender, Adam I think his name was, told me that my new friend Jim just turned 100 years old.  (Click Here) to meet him.

Jim told me stories about growing up in Melrose and being the mayor there.  He also told me he still drives, which normally would make me nervous but based on how good of shape he was in, I felt better with him on the roads than many people half his age.  We spent a good 2+ hours here and my friends and I ate and were merry (as I was not driving) and in the spirit of Christmas, I wanted to treat my new friend to dinner.  Mayor Jim tried to refuse me but that is never easy when my mind is made up so he accepted but told me that my wife and I must come visit him at St. Mary’s Church and the next dinner is on him.  I told him I would be taking him up on it.

Then we went to wine tasting (which already ended but we did do our shopping) and Milan Lucic was still there so we hung out with him and his gorgeous girlfriend for a little while and this guy could not have been more down to earth.  I asked Milan if he would call my oldest son at home to say hello and he readily agreed.  He and Trevor talked for a few minutes and when I got home that night, I knew I made Trevor’s night; mainly because his little brother was not home at the time and told us how envious he was that Trevor got to talk to a “professional athlete”.

With all respects to Milan, the highlight of my night was meeting and talking to Jim Milano.  We meet so many people in the course of our life and should always be thankful when we meet certain ones.  And just as I typed this, I realized that I met a 100 year old man named “Milano” the same night I met a 21 year-old named “Milan”. And you wonder why I always think paths cross for a reason?  I just wish I said goodbye like our opening quote from Elvis – that would have been a cool line with Jim; not sure how Milan would have responded.

“Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny (bleeping) Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”

I used to work with a guy I will call “John” and he was one of the most genuine people I have ever met and still know to this day.  From the first day I joined the company, I knew this guy was good people.  Regardless of any stress we endured while working, we always laughed every day and his sense of humor always had me laughing hours later when I would think of the things he would come out with.  The best part was that he was not even trying to be funny but he would look at things as they are, comment on them, and I would be roaring.  My favorite was when our HR department mandated we all go through some “Emotional Intelligence” (EI) training and “John’s” first comment before we started was that the phrase “Emotional Intelligence” was an oxymoron.  You had to be there but he is right in his theory in terms of his some people and companies try to jam or force these potentially great tools on people.   Needless to say, he was allowed to test out of the follow-up sessions and I was given the Spanish Inquisition on why I kept challenging the poor leadership at our company.  Nicely played “John”!

This is the last weekend before Christmas and now the hustle and bustle begins for many.  This time of year always brings mixed emotions for me since 2002 when I was sick and not awake to celebrate Thanksgiving through New Years.  But one of the best days of my life (even though I do not remember it) was Christmas Eve 2002 when I was declared in remission for leukemia I was diagnosed with a month earlier.  Needless to say, I get even more philosophical and sentimental during this time and the one thing I constantly think about is why such a potentially joyous time can bring so much stress to people lives?  I know some of it is due to things out of our control like work and even layoffs at this time of year.  We all have challenges with out families and extended families and who to visit and when and why can’t everyone make a certain date and nobody is willing to compromise yadda yadda yadda.  The list can go on and on.

So let’s try this.  For the rest of this year, 2 weeks, 13 days; enjoy life for everything you have and focus on that.  Remember, all the other stuff will probably still be there waiting for you.  This is the time to reflect on all that is gone and memories of Christmases past.   Reach out to old friends and family, people you use to work with, go to school with just to say hello.  Embrace the holidays and reflect on 2009 while looking forward to what 2010 can bring – all the positive things like a whole new year to seize.  It starts this weekend.  If you still need to shop, I highly recommend doing it on line as you can still get things delivered by Christmas Eve.  We know the stores and malls will be packed and I do not know about you but that is not my scene.  Plan something for New Year’s Eve, even something low key like having a few friends over for a nice dinner and hanging out.

The Choice is ours.  You can also watch (or in my case re-watch for the hundredth time) “Christmas Vacation” which came out 20 years ago and where I took our opening quote from Clark Griswold who was facing his own holiday stress. 

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”

I try to focus on the positive, I truly do.  But about once a month, I reach my Tipping Point (great book by the way) of people or events that really irritate me.  I know that my attitude is my Choice but I also think that more of us need to get involved and speak out against injustice, foul play and deception.  Two stories, one locally and one nationally have caught my attention as it is a too common Choice of behavior by people that I am pretty certain have committed a crime.  Spare me all the innocent until proven guilty and circumstantial evidence yadda yadda stuff as defense attorneys are a major cause of why there is so much deceit and lack of accountability in our society today. 

(Click Here) for the story of a Utah mom who is missing and foul play is suspected.  Like too many of these cases, the spouse is the main suspect.  Then you can (Click Here) for the story of a man where all evidence points to him getting into a road rage altercation with another guy, shooting him and then fleeing the scene.  The 4 D’s (Deny, Delay, Deflect, Defend) are front and center and defense attorneys play them better than anyone.  I am well aware that all my information and opinion on these cases is based on news reports.  But both stories make me worry about the future as the lessons continually being taught are about lying and deception when you make a mistake or commit a crime.  The other lesson is to get the best defense attorney money can buy and they will use every tactic and search for every loophole to get you off of a crime you knowingly and willfully committed.

How does a husband/father not be 100% cooperative with authorities trying to find his missing wife, the mother of his children?  What sane person leaves to go camping at midnight (yes, his alibi is that he left to go camping at 12:30am) in freezing temperatures with a 2 and a 4 year-old?  As for the road rage incident, the defense attorney readily admits his client may change his plea to self-defense based on more evidence and ballistic results.  But this is the lack of honor in our country today and sadly, past history and cases have shown that you can get away with crime, even murder, by making this Choice. 

I do not know if I have great answers on how to deal with deception in our lives as it even happens amongst those people thought they knew or consider friends and/or family (see Tiger Woods, Bernie Madoff, etc.).  I do hope more and more people continue to not accept it and be vigilant against those who practice it, especially when in an authoritative or leadership role.  If this Utah husband did harm to his wife and mother of their children, he should be punished severely.  If the guy got into a road rage incident (as it takes two to tango) and shot another person, he needs to be held accountable for his actions and let our justice system decide if it was self defense.  One thing for certain with everybody is our opening quote and in the end, I believe each and every one of us will ultimately be held accountable for the Choices we make.

“With football you can have up to 28 guys you consider starters, and if they can pick up the slack when some aren't playing so well, you don't have to turn those two game losing streaks into six-game losing streaks.”

On Monday, I was with my two boys at Target as they needed some school supplies.  We were near the book section and both of them saw the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” series as my oldest has read a few of them.  In that same section was a book by Mike Lupica titled “Million-Dollar Throw” and it caught my eye.  I had read a few of Lupica’s books in the past and always enjoyed them but this book and some others are geared towards teens so I bought to read myself but hopefully my sons would want to read too.  (Click Here) to see a story on the author as well as a look into the plot.  I read this book in one day.

As you will hear Lupica mention while on the Today Show, for kids, being a teammate is one of the most important things about sports.  It is also something that many parents and coaches forget or even better yet, never realize.  Too often adults, especially parents, forget what it was like when they were a pre-teen or teenager.  I don’t.  I can remember vividly almost all the trials and tribulations I went through as far back as 4^th grade.  Many had to do with sports but there were plenty of experiences with school, family and friends that shaped many of my beliefs and values to this day. 

As parents, we think we know what our kids want and we certainly feel we know what is best for them; after all, we are “the parent”.  But as Lupica highlights in his appearance on the Today Show and so perfectly in this book, just like it was for you and me 10 or 50 years ago, a child’s friends are the world to him or her.  When it comes to sports, most parents want their child to be the star player and make the big play or big shot because whether they know or want to admit it, they see it as a reflection on them as a parent and equate it to social status.  But what kids want most is to play and feel part of the team.  A winning team helps but it is not as important to the child as it is to the parent and even coaches for that matter.  Check it out next time your child’s team loses.  Within an hour, they forget about the loss and are doing something else while the parents and coaches are still replaying the game.

I am not sure if it is luck, something I am doing or a combination of things but the teams I have coached over the past few years have been very successful and I am not just talking about the wins and losses.  I have had my share of challenging kids but when they have been on my team, they have been a great teammate.  As a matter of fact, the only challenges I have had with kids over the years have been with some of their parents.  Not many, always a small percentage but it always centers on playing time in the games as mom and dad feel their child should be playing more.  What parent does not want their child playing more?  But just like when I was a kid and looked at my teammates, I knew which ones deserved to be playing more than I did and rarely questioned it.  On teams when I did not play a lot in games, I never cared because I loved practices and being with my friends.  I also knew I would get my chance and like a key theme in “Million-Dollar Throw”, I would be ready. 

If you are looking for a great gift for a parent, pre-teen or teen in your life, pick up this book, you won’t be sorry.  For you Tom Brady fans, he not only gave us our opening quote, he is a big part of this story.

“Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.”

Kevin Cullen is a writer for the Boston Globe (or Boston.com) and he is a friend of a friend.  I met him once and we had lunch in South Boston at an Irish bar which makes sense as Kevin is very proud of his Irish heritage and writes often about the trials and tribulations here and abroad.  I gained immediate respect for him before meeting him as I read his columns and saw how he challenged various injustices and people who violated ethics, morals and laws whether it were hypocritical politicians or criminals like Whitey Bulger.  Kevin also has a soft side as every year at this time he writes about “Christmas in the City” to bring attention to a great cause.  (Click Here) to see this column as well as to find out how you can bring a smile to a child this holiday season.

I remember writing a similar entry last year and went on-line to make my donation.  It was quick and easy and I spent about $30 on an item.  I don’t even remember what it was but I do remember struggling with selecting either something educational like a learning game or something fun like a straight up toy.  This year, I am going to get my sons involved and share Kevin’s story and see if I can turn this into a teachable moment and I invite you to do the same if you have children.  I am going to ask my boys to each give up one Christmas gift/request this year and offer that gift to a child who may not be getting any presents.  If I know my youngest son Tyler, he will immediately bolt and find a toy he has not played with in years and offer that up.  Not bad but not really a lesson now is it?

I may even alter my approach and ask them to use their own money to purchase something as they often get cash and checks from relatives not to mention the fact that these two have more cash tucked away in their rooms than I usually carry at anytime.  Another teachable moment and do I expect them to readily offer up the money, of course not, they are 12 and 10 years old.  But I know my boys and they are both very caring despite the shelter my wife and I give them from the confusing world we live in.  They have both volunteered at a soup kitchen and have seen first hand how lucky they are and the challenges other families face.  In the end, I will pay for the toys but they won’t know that until after they made their Choice and they will still get the same amount of presents this year.

The link to Kevin’s article provides and easy way to donate to this event and I hope you will consider it and also include your children.  Thank you Kevin, Jake Kennedy and your crew for making the Choices you do to help others.   Our opening quote from Charles Schulz (ah – who didn’t love Charlie Brown and his tree which resembles ours this year; but we love it even more every time we look at it) says it all.