Enliven Daily

“You just-you ain't gettin' it. You don't understand. This is the only thing you're ever gonna have. Forever, it carries you forever. It's an ugly fact of life. Donnie, hell. It's the only fact of life. You got one year, one stinkin' year to make yourself some memories, son. That's all. It's gone after that. And I'll be damned if you're not gonna miss it.”

(Editor’s Note – This is a continuation of yesterday’s entry and thus I recommend reading that entry first and then coming back to this one.)

I am reminded of a quote/story I came across once that has always stayed with me:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:
"Which wolf wins?"  The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

My buddy Ron nailed this yesterday when he left me a comment on yesterday’s entry about this Little League situation in Connecticut where a 9 year-old boy was banned from pitching and now we have a hornet’s nest similar to Freetown Massachusetts and their concession stand policy.  The one common theme whenever there is a major controversy or problem in youth sports – the adults.  I have to be careful as you can not broad brush this by saying parents although my guess is that 96.74% of the time those adults have children in the league but there are some leagues where there are adults in leadership roles that do not have kids in the league which can be good and bad.

We all have an ego and for some, depending on the person, that pendulum goes from one extreme to the other and we all can name a few people in a flash that have egos that are out of whack.  It’s easy to point to some professional athletes, celebrities or politicians but take a look at your own life and those around you – coworkers, friends and family.  Hey – I have been there professionally as that was the culture I worked in and was surrounded by people with giant egos of which many had no justification for it based on their performance.  In addition, if you were not blowing your own trumpet, you were not going to get recognized and thus were not going to get the bonuses or promotions.

Sadly, far too many parents are trying to feed their ego through their children and many do not even realize it.  It does not even have to be sports as we see the lengths parents have gone through with dance competitions, modeling, acting, or even just dressing their baby up in a way that screams “LOOK AT ME”!.  They are not doing this for the child, they are doing it for their feeling of acceptance or for getting attention they crave.  But youth sports has provided a venue to feed parent egos like no other and with television and the Internet showing everything and anything, more and more parents want their chance in the spotlight – through their child.  Let me repeat that, the parents want their chance in the spotlight but are using their child to get there.  Spotlight does not just refer to television, it goes back to the ego of a parent so they can stand their proudly in the stands, neighborhood, supermarket or even church and have everyone tell them what a great game little Bobby or Susie played.

Regarding this 9 year-old Connecticut boy who was banned from pitching, like most situations that negatively affect the children in sports, it could have been prevented.  But the combination of emotion, ego and poor leadership is a recipe for disaster and these traits are what makes up so many youth organizations today.  That is why change is needed and needed fast.  Tomorrow, I will bring some closure on why this situation never should have come to this and it is the parents and other adults who could have prevented it.  We have too many parents like the one in our opening quote from the movie “Friday Night Lights” telling his son that his senior year of football is what his entire life is all about.  But crazy stuff like this only happens in the movies huh?

“I was in the room here one day... watchin' the Mexican channel on TV. I don't know nothin' about Pele. I'm watchin' what this guy can do with a ball and his feet. Next thing I know, he jumps in the air and flips into a somersault and kicks the ball in - upside down and backwards... the goddamn goalie never knew what the (bleep) hit him. Pele gets excited and he rips off his jersey and starts running around the stadium waving it around his head. Everybody's screaming in Spanish. I'm here, sitting alone in my room, and I start crying… That's right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species that I happen to belong to, could kick a ball, and lift himself, and the rest of us sad-assed human beings, up to a better place to be, if only for a minute... let me tell ya, kid - it was pretty goddamned glorious. It ain't the six minutes... it's what happens in that six minutes.”

If you have not heard about this story, you need to as we may need a “progressive” or “transformational” change which I outline below.  (Click Here) for the story I am referring to as just when we think adults cannot embarrass and threaten the development and enjoyment of youth sports any worse, another incident occurs.  And like most large problems that occur in life, especially those involving children and/or sports, it never had to come to this if leaders did what they were in place to do – lead.

I teach organizations that there are 3 types of change when you want to bring your company or group to a better or higher level and they have varying degrees of magnitude.  First is what’s known as Effective, which is an incremental change, maybe within your group or division such as a process.  Next we have Progressive, which is an evolutionary change, a new way of doing things or large change within your company or industry but it takes a lot of time and effort to pull off.  Finally there is Transformational, which is a revolutionary change which is rare but completely reinvents the way you do things.  Youth sports is in dangerous territory these days and we all need to help get it back to the kids and away from the egotistical parents, board members and coaches; otherwise known as the adults who should all know better.

The main problem with youth sports is the adults involved - period.  It is a combination of those that are in it for the wrong reasons and those who do not have the skills, talent or leadership needed to be a coach, board member or serving in some volunteer capacity.  Spare me the whining that they are volunteers and doing the best they can with limited time.  It’s a lame excuse for not being able to do something the right way.  There are many leagues and communities out there that have found the right way to do it, completely through volunteer efforts.  Effective leadership and training is at the core of it all and organizations like Positive Coaching Alliance are a great place to start.  They are always looking for the right people with the right vision to share their mission of “Double Goal Coaching” so check them out.  And don’t worry, if you have not been to their site, they are not all about everyone playing and singing Kumbaya, you’ll learn what double-goal coaching stands for thanks to founder Jim Thompson.

I will pick up here on Thursday on why adults are ruining youth sports for so many kids.  The answer lies in our opening quote from one of my favorite movies from the 1980’s where Loudon Swain takes on Brian “Shute” who was the best there ever was at his sport.  It also featured a young and what seemed back then, innocent Madonna, singing her hit “Crazy For You”.  You got it now?  “Vision Quest” starring Matthew Modine, which was on the other night and our opening quote stayed with me as it rang so true.  More tomorrow on this baseball story and the cause.

“I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.  I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.”

This week, we are starting with a video clip and then some thoughts.  Yesterday was the obnoxious behavior of some future brides.  Today, based on the entry title and quote, try to guess what type of video I have included below.  Give it a second and (Click Here) when ready and then we will pick up below.

As huge a sports fan that I am and enjoy my home town teams, I am embarrassed to be a Red Sox fan at times not only while at the game but out and about in the city, especially after they win a championship or big game.  This Yankees stuff is getting old especially when you look at the Yankees of recent years.  Sure A-Rod is one of the most arrogant people, not just athletes in the world and they did have Clemens for a few years but so did we and we loved him when he was here.  But Derek Jeter still remains one of my favorite players who plays the game the way it should be played.  On a side note, sure this video makes some Sox fans look bad but you can find just as many from Yankee Stadium with even worse Yankees fans than these two clowns.  The best part is one their dates with the confused grin that started with “my boyfriend is so cool” that later switches to “do I really want to raise children with this buffoon?”

A buddy of mine once told me he went to a Sox game at Yankees Stadium and thought he was going to get into a fight because he had a Red Sox hat on.  He said the women were worse than the men with their fingers in his face and mouths that would make a sailor who moonlights as a truck driver blush.  I just don’t get it.  Are people so desperate to feel part of something that this is the avenue they take?  Do they figure that by abusing and heckling the opposing fans, their star pitcher or hitter will do better?  The worst part is that so many people, including me, are hesitant about taking their kids to the game because of all the crap they will hear around them.

The good news is that not all opposing fans are like this.  For example, two rows back from my seats at Fenway where I have 20 games a year, sits Billy Maguire who is a huge Yankees fan.  Sure Billy gets a little loud at times and occasionally throws an f-bomb while speaking but there is a mutual respect with him and all the fans.  But he is conscious of the kids and if he swears and sees a kid around, he apologizes and usually comes back from the concession stand with a bat or ball for him or her.  I know as my son was the recipient of one of these gifts.  But Billy is not one of those guys that feel he has to put down the other team or their fans and he is as die-hard a fan as you will find.

Between knuckleheads like this from the video and all those that love to jump around behind news reporters covering a story, I just shake my head.  It’s just not my scene.  But for those wanting and needing attention or that feel better about themselves by putting others down, this is what seems to help them along.  Maybe they are like the movie “Fever Pitch” where I took our opening quote; the Red Sox are the only real family they got.

“Robbie Hart? Oh, man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold! You must've felt like sh!t! …  ‘No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing that up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that’?”

This week, I am going to start with a video and then share my thoughts on it; specifically the Choices that people in it make.  I hope the title of the entry has you curious and recommend you try to guess what type of video I will show.  The clues are in the title, possible the quote and will always involve Choices people make.  I am developing all this as I type, so take a guess and then (Click Here) when ready but I recommend not reading forward until you view the video on the above link (which are always safe and approved according to Google).

I wonder what the divorce rate is of all the soon to be brides that participate in the Filenes “Running of the Brides” events?  One of the thousands of reasons I love my wife so much is that she never did this event.  Although since it would have been 16 years ago that my wife would have done this, I did make the call to her this morning just to double check.  Her response was “why the heck would I do that for”?  Just needed to make sure my facts were straight.  As you watch the various videos of these events across the country, you will see it is not just brides, there are friends, sisters and even mothers helping them.  But then you see and hear some of the fiancées that even seem to be into it.  These will probably be the marriages that last because this future bride and groom deserve each other.

This event is one of the problems in our society.  Selfishness at any and all costs.  How about the future bride and most likely future mom that said she pushed and elbowed her way to get what she wanted?  Nice!  Make sure to pass that on to your kids.  I saw another news clip that had a girl mention how she thought she was going to get in a fistfight.  Too bad she’s taken… for now.  When you boil all of this down, it is strictly over money or greed.  Do not try to justify that it is for a bargain, tradition, the thrill, the competition, whatever excuse (and that’s what it is) one wants to make for the behavior and Choices of most of the people attending this event.  We see the same behavior when foul balls go into the stands, money drops from helicopters at fairs, Hannah Montana tickets, etc. 

I want to be clear that I have no problem with the concept of the event as it is a great way for women to afford beautiful wedding gowns for hopefully their only marriage.  But seeing the antics of most; pushing people, grabbing 20 dresses to hold ransom and even enlisting the help of young kids, is a sad reflection of us as a society and sends a disturbing message.  Many of these people’s mindset is “Me Me Me” and I doubt it is just for that day.  If they have family, friends and even their future husband with them, it goes back to a previous entry from last month titled “Why do Digs Lick Themselves?”  The answer, because we allow them to.

We all love saving money and getting great deals as I try to bargain and haggle with the best of them, especially in foreign countries.  I even struggled with another fan for a football that came into the stands last month as my kids wanted one all year.  He had a better grip and would have had it but I told him it was for my kid and he gave it up.  I hope his wife or future wife was not at one of these events as he seemed like a really nice guy.  One woman who you know went to this event was the fiancée of the “Wedding Singer”, starring Adam Sandler, which is also the movie from which we took our opening quote.

Sorry, not my Scene.

“In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.”

When I am at speaking functions or meeting with groups, I often refer to life as a series of “peaks and valleys”. The goal is to maximize the peaks and minimize the valleys of the triumphs and challenges we have in all aspects of our lives – school, work, home, socially, sports, you name it.  For me, yesterday was one of those valleys as I came down with the flu that was going around town and I fully admit I am a big baby when I get sick.  I think the whole world should just pause until I get better but every time I try to hit that button on my life remote, it doesn’t work.

Hopefully, our valleys do not last long and we can get back to peaks sooner than later.  Today, I am already feeling like I am on my way up and feel 10 times better than I did yesterday at this time.  Although if you asked me yesterday about anything, you would not have received a positive response as I was miserable.  Think about various setbacks or challenges you have faced in your life, maybe at work or home.  Maybe there was an illness that was so scary at first but you or a loved one overcame it.  Think about various projects or deadlines at work that caused you more stress than you ever dreamed but somehow the project got done and the company survived.  Finally, think about events involving your children, maybe something at school or a conflict with a coach, teacher or other family.  At the time, it is a tense and unpleasant experience but as you look back, you realize you came through it and it only made you stronger.

Perspective and self-reflection are wonderful tools and I realize every day that things could always be worse.  I think we all know people whose glass is not only half empty but they also complain it is chipped and full of arsenic.  These people are no fun to be around and although we hope they will change and don’t like listening to them, the reality is that this is their comfort zone feeling that things are not so good.  It helps them avoid getting their hopes up or having disappointment and let downs.  I am sure you can think of a few people in your life that fit this description.  My advice – don’t get sucked into their web and try to get them to see the positive side of things or feel free to just avoid them.

We never know what tomorrow will bring which is why I cherish each day, even if I am under the weather.  I know a week from now I will be able to look back and laugh at how crappy I felt.  This summer has been phenomenal so far and this has been the only drawback I can think of.  I’ll take a ratio of 100-1 peaks to valleys any day as that is what this summer has felt like.  Along with peaks and valleys I also believe that life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we Choose to deal with it. 

Thankfully, I am not an animal living in the wild like our opening quote from the television show “The Office” by Dwight Schrute as he would have eaten me for sure yesterday when I wasn’t feeling well.  But today is a new day and as crappy as I felt yesterday, I feel that much better now.  Peaks and Valleys, we all have them.

“Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is *the* sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!”

(Editor’s Notes – I am a bit under the weather this morning with a flu bug that has pounded my youth football team and now me so thus went with an inspirational email sent to me recently.  It is below and was titled $20.  I liked it and hope you do too.)

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a new $20.00 bill.  In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up.  He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.  He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"  Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.  No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO love you.  The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by God who loves us. You are special - Don't EVER forget it.  Count your blessings, not your problems.

And remember: Amateurs built the ark . . . Professionals built the Titanic.  If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Our opening quote was from the movie “Trading Places” starring Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy where Aykroyd’s character truly saw who his friends were when he went from rich to poor.

“The important thing is that those twenty boys know in twenty years, they didn't leave anything on the table. They played their hearts out. That's the important thing.”

Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, if you were a fan of sports you no doubt remember the opening to “ABC’s Wide World of Sports” that had our title catch phrase.  To jar your memory when you heard “The Thrill of Victory” you saw a great sports achievement with players celebrating yet I cannot remember who or what team it was or even the sport.  Immediately after that when you heard “And the Agony of Defeat” you saw that poor ski jumper that stumbled going down the ramp and just got obliterated when he landed and most people thought he was dead.  He survived and actually went on to speak about it later in life as I once saw an interview with him.

I am not sure if it is Michael Phelps or my wife wrestling the remote away from me at night but for the first time in many years, I am actually interested in the Olympics.  And based on people I talk to, I am not alone as even during my poker game the other night with the Red Sox on, a few guys requested to switch to the Olympics.  I told them not until 10pm as that was when Phelps was going for his 8^th gold medal and there is only so much synchronized diving I could handle.

But for every Michael Phelps, there are dozens of Alicia Sacramone’s, the gymnast from Massachusetts, who came so close but missed a medal in an individual competition and faltered in the team competition although her team still would not have won the gold.  Nonetheless, her mistakes were seen by millions and she felt like she let her team down in the biggest match of their lives.  For every USA basketball team, there are dozens of Belarus’ that know they have a better chance of seeing David Hasselhoff perform well as Macbeth.  The list goes on.

Yet the world is captivated by the Olympics and I think I know why.  It gives people something to believe in and grasp and it is very tangible.  For Americans, we are spoiled and I am not surprised we come across as arrogant to many parts of the world.  Look at the money and facilities, as well as talent pool we have to send athletes to compete at this level.  There are some countries that only have 5 people (or less) representing them for the entire Olympics.  But Phelps was our guy and on the verge of history and we were rooting for him even though he was replacing another American swimming legend in Mark Spitz.  I wonder how hard we would be cheering if that French swimmer who mouthed off before one of the first meets was on the verge of his 8^th gold medal and thus supplanting our guy.

I actually feel for so many of the athletes as I watch these events as I know I am not there but it seems like they are not really enjoying the experience.  Sure, Phelps, Misty May and Kerri Walsh are having a blast as well as Kobe, Lebron and the rest of the hoops stars but when I see some of the gymnasts, swimmers and track stars that line-up, it’s almost as if they can’t wait for the event to be over so the pressure can be off.  For years these people practice and train and have a lifestyle none of us can relate to. Although I am still in awe of what Phelps eats for breakfast but one time after a late night in Manchester New Hampshire at 3am, I think I had what he had at the Red Arrow Diner… and paid for it the next day.

I think its great the passion and interest so many share for the Olympics.  Soon, the Games will be over and school will be starting and winter will be upon us.  Then what?  My advice; take the same interest, passion and pride we share for our Olympic athletes and country and spread it around locally to your town, family and friends.  It’s great to be a part of and support the winning teams but don’t forget about all those that are not doing well and I don’t just mean sports.  Anything we do, we should do with our best effort and leave it all out there like our opening quote from Herb Brooks in the movie “Miracle” about the 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team.  Nobody gave them a chance to beat the Russians but we all gave them our support. 

“The temperature topped out at ninety-eight degrees the day our lives were forever altered.  Hell's Kitchen was a place of innocence ruled by corruption.” 

I am still in summer mode which is why many of these entries are about kids and families but with the exception of strolls down memory lane for some TV and movie fun, since Enliven First and this space, Enliven Daily, started over a year ago, one theme has always been a focus:  Life is about Choices.  If you are a parent, you have the extra pressure of hoping your children make the best Choices as you know you cannot always be there to catch them if they fall.  Just like us, they will learn from their mistakes and that is part of growing up but sometimes, there are initial Choices that can lead to very bad things.

I need to stress more than I have ever stressed that I am not saying the victims in the below story are at fault or that they should have known better.  A horrible crime allegedly occurred to young kids and that is the tragedy here.  I share this story and entry to point out that the initial Choice made in this case lead to very bad results and this is where communication and dialogue with our kids is crucial.  It still may not have prevented this horrible incident but it may have.  (Click Here) for the story as you will then guess where I am going.

People say that yesterday’s 16 is today’s 13 which means that what kids were doing when I was 16, today’s kids are now doing at age 13.  I believe it.  Sadly, this situation involved two young girls but with all the teacher scandals we seem to be reading about, it could have just as easily been two young boys being assaulted by an older woman.  By the time I was 14, my hormones were raging and if the opportunity came to be with an older woman at a carnival, despite what my parents had taught or warned me growing up, I probably would have went with it.  In the words of Bill Belichick “it is what it is”.

The story above involved two young girls that were most likely getting the attention of an older boy and everyone loves attention as it makes you feel wanted and/or accepted.  The girls made some mistakes; first by giving out phone information and then worse, by having the alleged rapist back to one of their homes.  But no mistake a child makes should result in what it appears these girls had to endure.  Only their families know what conversations or rules they had or have when it comes to strangers, text messaging and people over the house.  I can tell you that growing up; my mom did not allow kids in the house until I was 18 if she was not home.  That was the rule, plain and simple and I had plenty of neighbors that would let her know if I chose not to follow it.  And if I chose not to follow it, even to have a buddy over to watch the Muppets, there were consequences for my actions.  I did not want to find out what would happen the 2^nd time.

One of the most difficult aspects of this story is that kids do not share a lot with their parents and that has not changed over the years.  Just last week when I picked my son up at camp, he had tears in his eyes and I knew something was wrong.  He told me he had mud in there but I knew based on his attitude and subsequent mood, he was not being honest and that something happened.  Long story short, he was horsing around with an older buddy who pushed him down and he was embarrassed and had his feelings hurt.  He never told me but I asked one of his closest friends who did.  But something as little as this, despite my constant communication and efforts, he did not want to share.  This is what keeps me awake as a parent as I think about what lies ahead for Choices with my sons.

I wish I had all the answers to help all parents work with their kids so bad things like the above story do not happen.  But we live in a world with some bad people who make bad Choices like the alleged rapist in this story.  If this entry serves any purpose, I hope it allows a few parents to share this story with their kids to open dialogue and stress how the littlest of Choices can lead to very bad results.  If this guy did what he is accused of, I hope he is punished to the full extent of the law.  I also pray these girls can get through this ordeal and go on to live a happy life.

Our opening quote is from the Oscar nominated movie “Sleepers” starring Deniro, Bacon, Pitt, Driver and Hoffman among others.  It tells the story of young boys who made one innocent Choice that started as a prank that led to the worst experiences of their life that stayed with them forever.  Sure it’s a movie but sadly, we see that similar things can happen every day in real life.  Constant Dialogue and then more dialogue can only help.

“I have one son who's about to become my daughter, another son whom people are trying to kill, I have a lunatic stepson and a dummy living in my home and a husband who won't make love to me. That's not life, that's something by Tennessee Williams!”

Last week we strolled down Memory Lane with a listing of some serious cheesy TV shows and movies.  This week, we start with the top 10 TV shows of the 70’s and 80’s that got me through my childhood and teen years and helped form the views and values I now have as an adult, sort of.  Without further adieu:

10. Magnum PI – there were many nipping at the top 10 but Tom Selleck sneaks in thanks to sweet crib he lived and the awesome dogs at the compound, remember the names of the 2 Dobermans?  Stop reading here or you will see the answer.  Got It?  Yep, Zeus and Apollo with their master Higgins.

9. The Brady Bunch – everyone will claim it was lame and they did not watch yet anytime an episode comes up, they know it.  Bobby kissing the girl, seeing skyrockets and then thinking he had the mumps, remember her name?  Jan’s fictitious boyfriend – George Glass.  Who can forget the guest stars like Don Drysdale, Davey Jones and Joe Namath before he was half in the bag asking cute ESPN announcers for a kiss?  Bobby kissed Millicent who I think later starred in the Waltons.

8. The Wonder Years – although he was a huge Jets fan, Kevin Arnold (played by Fred Savage who we knew would be pigeon holed in that role) had all the trials and tribulations we had as kids.  Throw in the adorable Winnie who he finally lands, a big brother that pounds him and a nerdy friend and it sums up most of our childhoods.

7. Cheers – If you have ever been to the real Cheers in Boston, you can relate to the disappointment as it is nothing like the TV show.  But between Cliff Claven’s useless knowledge and Norm’s one liners, it made Boston proud.  God Bless Coach and the rest and we all remember what Woody got his girlfriend Kelly for her birthday right?  A song called Kelly, Kelly Kelly Kelly K-E-L-L-Y.  Why?  Because your Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly…

6. Seinfeld – Sure we were all heartbroken when Cheers went off the air but thank goodness that Seinfeld was waiting in the wings.  We all have favorite episodes as one of mine is when George does the opposite of everything he thinks he should do and great things happen like landing a job with the Yankees and getting a girl.  This is when Michael Richards was cool as a goofy Kramer before the show went off the air and he went all postal after getting heckled at a comedy club.

5. SWAT – My buddy John and I were just talking about this the other night as this was the coolest cop show growing up in the 70’s with the best theme music: DA NA NA, DA NA NA, DA NA NA, DA NA NA, DA NA NA NAAAA.  There was Robert Urich as Street and TJ who was the marksman with the scope rifle.

4. WKRP in Cincinnati – you talk about an underrated show that was comedic genius.  Sure all the guys tuned in to check out Loni Anderson but Howard Hessman was a riot and Les Nessman left us howling.  By far, the most memorable episode was the failed turkey drop when Les was announcing it live and the station manager, Arthur Carlson walks in after the carnage and just say “As God as my judge, I thought turkeys could fly!

3. Happy Days – Sure it’s cheesy now but we all wanted to be Fonzie and wish there was a place like Arnolds for us to hang out while we were in high school.  How many of us remember the Guinness Book of World Record episode when Fonzie’s klutzy nephew did the trick with the 40 quarters piled on the forearm and snapped them into his hand?  We tried in like 5^th or 6^th grade and there was one kid in my class who did like 20, I swear.

2. Bosom Buddies – 2 actors who got their big break, one was Peter Scolari who did some other sitcoms (most notably Newhart) and the other Tom Hanks – enough said.  Sure they dressed up as women but nobody thought anything of it back then.  They also had the coolest theme song with Billy Joel’s “Stepping Out”.  Similar to WKRP, guys tuned in to check out Donna Dixon who was (and maybe still is) married to Dan Akyroyd – how does that happen?

Can you guess which show from the 1970’s was by far one of the best sitcoms of all time that broke the taste barrier?  Similar to Bosom Buddies, it starred a little known actor who went on to greatness.  Got it?

1. Soap – the story of two families, the Tates and the Campbells.  Billy Crystal played an openly gay man and no subject was off limits including, adultery, murder, the Church, the Mafia, UFO’s, you name it.  You had the idiot brother and senile war veteran combined with Bert, who would snap his fingers while swinging his arms to go invisible.  This show even gave Benson his own gig later on.  I remember there were action groups trying to get this show off the air back then.  I wonder how those people feel now about what’s on Spike and MTV these days?  Soap also gave us today’s opening quote.

There you have it, did I miss any?  We’ll be back to regular Enliven daily programming on Tuesday, thanks for coming along on this tangent ride.

(Editor’s Note – this is the 2^nd part of a topic I hit on yesterday and thus invite you to read that entry first especially before continuing on as the quote immediately below should give away yesterday’s.  We are on a theme of my Top 10 cheesy movies/TV shows yet whenever they are on, I’ll still watch them).

“All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice.”

So before we continue, here are a few honorable mentions for cheesy shows and movies – Silver Spoons with Ricky (or Rick, Rich, whatever he wants to be called these days) Schroeder, The Fall Guy with former Bionic Man, Lee Majors.  Come to think of it, add in the Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman who made me buy that stupid doll… I mean action figure as a kid that was as crappy as they come.  Footloose has to make this list as the Kevin Bacon scene when he is dancing by himself around his Volkswagen is as cheesy as they come.  Almost forgot the Karate Kid, pick any one as Daniel son and an aging Arnold from Happy Days beating up everyone thanks to waxing cars; come on!  Now on to the top 5:

5. Walker Texas Ranger – This seems to be on all the time now on USA and either 80 year old hair-dyed Chuck Norris is using martial arts to fight guys with machine guns or is down at the youth center helping kids get through peer pressure and gang violence.  Hey – his motives are great but the application is way too cheesy.  Chuck – I know you like writing the scripts and singing the theme song but try to keep it a little real for the kids’ sake. 

4. Who’s the Boss?  Is it just me or are there way too many Hollywood folks that seemed liked they were horrible athletes growing up or never got to play on teams so when they became famous, they requested to star in shows or movies as an athlete or ex one?  Tony Danza played the “housekeeper” who moves from Brooklyn with his daughter after his baseball career fizzles out.  Nice family model as the grandmother from the show was trying to hook up with everything that moved.  Although, Tony did score a sweet gig but is it me or do you struggle as an actor if your character first name must be the same as your real name?

3. TJ Hooker – This just missed number 2 as anything with Bill Shatner is just pure humor and cheese all rolled into one.  What made this classic cheese was Heather Locklear as a cop and Hooker’s partner played by the legendary Adrian Zmed, who later replaced Deney Terrio on Dance Fever (Honorable Mention).  How do you replace Deney Terrio?  I loved Shatner in his two sizes too small blue uniform strutting on his beat and then chasing bad guys.  Yet every episode tried to work in a life lesson for us to use like when he was looking for a lost boy and saw a refrigerator in someone’s trash.  He ripped the door off the hinges and gave the homeowner a lecture on removing them before disposing.  Television gold right there.

2. CHiPs – This is the reason Hooker was not number 2 and the reason many kids from my generation wanted to be motorcycle cops until we were about 12 and realized how lame “Ponch and Jon” were and how fake the motorcycle scenes were.  You do not get any cheesier than Erik Estrada but who knew it back then.  If you ever have a chance to watch an episode now, seize it.  This show had it all: mismatched partners, goofy guys on force, babes on force and the nerdy mechanic.  But what made CHiPs so great were the plots and maybe this is where Walker Texas Ranger got their ideas.  Who can forget Ponch helping kids stay out of gangs by taking on Danny Bonaduce from Partridge Family fame?  Or the all-time classic roller disco episode where all the force comes together to help kids and raise money while wearing shorts too short and sock too high.  Roller Disco, tube socks and Frank Poncharello and even former Olympic hero Bruce Jenner joining the force, imported cheese right there. 

And now, my all-time favorite yet cheesiest movie of all time that got me through insomnia the other night:

1. Roadhouse – enough said as the quotes from yesterday and today are one of many.  But you have to watch Patrick Swayze (aka Dalton) and all the other bouncers with their looks, movements, collars up and so on.  Throw in the babe and the arch enemy and there you have it – a movie.  The dancing scenes are great too combined with Dalton giving himself stitches.  Oh wait, he’s not called a bouncer do you know what they call them both in the show and I guess this industry?  They call them “coolers”.  Yep, when you have some loaded rednecks tearing up the place, bring in the cooler.  Better yet, just call Walker, Hooker and Ponch to take them to the gym or roller disco and all will end happily ever after.

There you have it and I know there are so many more but these 10 came to mind as well as some honorable mentions.  On Monday, I will share some of the great shows and movies from the past that made an impression on me.  Have a great weekend with family and friends and if you can’t sleep, hope that one of the above is on.

“This place has a sign hangin' over the urinal that says, ‘Don't eat the big white mint’”.

I fall asleep every night watching TV.  When I put the sleep timer on, my wife is very happy.  When I don’t, I get reprimanded, it’s that simple and I do not blame her one bit as usually when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can fall right back to sleep.  She can’t.  Last night the tables were turned as after falling asleep around 11:30pm, I awoke at 12:30am (an hour later) and could not for the life of me fall back asleep.  I did a little work on the computer and then saw what cheesy movie I could find.  TBS did not disappoint as my all-time favorite cheesy movie was on that I have seen at least 300 times yet every time I flick past it, I have to watch.

In honor of that, I offer you my top 10 list of all-time cheese movies or TV shows but just realized due to length I need to do 5 today and 5 tomorrow.  I will end tomorrow’s entry with what I watched last night which is also the movie where I took our opening quote.  Monday, I will come back with Top 10 favorite TV shows.  If you are younger than 30, you may not get some of these but if you are around my age bracket (40), I think I will get some smiles:

10. Happy Days – This is a tough one for me as it will make tomorrow’s list for one of my favorite TV shows but there was some serious cheese here.  It’s the 1950’s and Fonzie the mechanic not only knows how to water-ski but jumps the shark with his leather jacket on.  But the reason it made the list was the “Demolition Derby” episode with the Malachi Crunch and Fonzie had a hair dryer in his car… that worked.  Did they even have hair dryers in the 50’s and if so, were they battery operated?

9. Baywatch – Nothing goes better with cheesy than David Hasslehoff but this show was designed strictly for the babes and guys from my generation ate it up.  One memorable episode was when Hoff is playing in a 2 on 2 hoop tournament on Venice Beach with his cop buddy.  All the bogus cut away hoop shots kill me.  I played once on Venice Beach and not sure if I even got a shot off against the talent that is there.  No way were Hoff and his 5’8” cop buddy taking that tournament down.

8. Tango and Cash – Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell play “Bad Cop and Worse Cop”.  You knew this movie was doomed when Stallone played a cop who tried to come across as a financial whiz in the stock market and Russell dressed up in drag to escape the cops who were looking for him.  The cheesy one-liners from this movie never end.

7. Stop or My Mom Will Shoot – It was either this or “Rhinestone” which Stallone starred with Dolly Parton but since I never saw even 2 minutes of that, sadly I admit I saw some of Stallone and Estelle Gette in another Stallone “flop as a cop” film.  If he just stuck to a cop movie like Cobra, where Sly rarely spoke, he would have been fine.

6. Love Boat – I have to admit that growing up, I used to watch the Saturday Night double-header of Love Boat followed by Fantasy Island and as a night owl in college, watched the Love Boat every weeknight from 2am-3am (Hey - I’m not proud of it and actually find it therapeutic to get this off my chest).  Who can forget bartender Isaac with his pistol fingers and wide smile or Doctor Adam Bricker hooking up with every single chick he could.  But the main reason this show makes the list is it completed deceived the public about cruises as I went on my first one with my now wife when we were 23 and you can imagine the shock when I walked into my mid-level room.  Where were the ginormous rooms I saw even when the poor people were on the Pacific Princess?  And I never had dinner at the Captain’s Table or had Julie McCoy entertaining me.  And the pools, they were much more crowded and full of annoying people on my cruise.

So there’s the Bottom 5 and tomorrow we will come back with 5 more, leading up to the #1 all-time cheesy movie in my book that got me to 3am this morning when I finally dozed off.  I hope you enjoyed this stroll down memory lane.  Not sure if it provided any inspiration but hopefully a smile or chuckle…

“You know parents are the same, No matter time nor place.  They don't understand that us kids are going to make some mistakes.  So to you other kids all across the land, there's no need to argue, Parents just don't understand.”

Not a day goes by that I do not remember something from my childhood and either some  Choices I made or situations that left an impression.  This is mainly due to the huge amount of time I spend with my own sons during the summer and bringing them to and from camp, having their friends over and playing or watching sports.  Just like we felt when we were a kid, it’s even harder being a kid these days especially with YouTube, picture phones and MySpace.

If you have been following along since last week, I have been writing about youth sports and the impact it has on kids.  The lessons that kids learn on and off the field as a child and teen will stay with them forever.  If you do not believe me, take a good, hard honest look at yourself and why you have some of the views or opinions you do in life.  Most were either formed during your early years or influenced by your family and friends.  I’ll take it one step further and although this is strictly from a male perspective (since I am a male but have eaten quiche and did cry when Old Yella died so I consider myself sensitive enough to relate to women), this can also be translated to a female’s relationship with her mother.

I am 40 years old and thankful my dad is still alive as we have a good relationship.  But even at my age, having graduated from college, being a good husband and father, doing well in my career and now working for myself, I am still looking for his approval and praise on what I do/did in my life.  I think every son has these feelings, despite the relationship they have with their father.  This has gone on since the beginning of time with sons succeeding fathers in kingdoms and on thrones and is still alive and well today.  Even those kids whose father may have left them or they may not be close with, still have, even if in the back of their mind, the thoughts of whether their father would approve or be proud of them or better yet, use it as a motivator to be a great husband or father to their own children.

My sons are no different, especially my oldest boy.  I have a theory that the first born male in any family is born with the weight of the word on his shoulders.  They are the oldest male, the first and we have the highest expectations for them.  Look around your family, friends and even your office.  For me it’s easy, as I am around kids and families all the time and you can see the difference on how an older sibling acts in school, on the field or socially as compared to their younger brother or sister.  If you are a parent, look at the way you treat your children.  We love all our kids but we do treat them differently.  Just like when I was a kid, my sons (especially my oldest) does not think I get it when it comes to his friends, discipline, rules, mistakes, etc.  But of course I think I do and thus the stalemate continues.

Just as I wrote for my mom, I do not recall feeling pressure from my dad when I was kid when it came to sports or school, possibly because I did pretty well in both, especially academics, combined with the fact my dad worked a lot and did not have much experience or exposure from his own parents on youth sports.  The one area where there was a huge influence and focus was discipline and respect, especially to elders, teachers and coaches.  Hell hath no fury than my parents hearing from a neighbor, teacher or coach that one of their children screwed up, was disrespectful or like my poor brother Al who got caught drinking up the street and that kid’s father told my father.  My father was so angry that night, he could not even speak…

I can see it in my own sons and so many other boys that I coach, teach or know in town the same feelings I still have at age 40.  I am not saying they are bad ones by any means; it just comes with the territory in this “game” of Life.  As I alluded to, I am not certain but knowing my wife and my sister as I do and we have never discussed it, they share similar feelings with their moms.  Children want to please and impress their parents, especially a son to his father; it is part of our make-up and it last our entire life.  I cannot tell you what, why or when it happened in youth sports but kids are under more pressure than ever as early as 7 years old.  With 70% of kids no longer playing youth sports by age 13 because they say they either do not enjoy it or can’t handle the pressure, something is wrong.  For every Tom Brady that makes it, there are 20 Todd Marinovich’s.  (Click Here) for some info on him I found on line as well as some comments that go to each side of the pendulum.

Do we want our kids to be successful in sports? What parent doesn’t?  But define success.  More importantly, we should all focus not on what we want, but what do our children want and find the right balance or get the pendulum in the middle and not to an extreme side (Sweeet – after 8 days, I tied it all in!!).  Maybe Will Smith, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, was right when he wrote his song where I took our opening quote – “Parents Just Don’t Understand”. 

(Editors Note – this topic started on Tuesday, August 5^th in case you are joining recently.  I recommend heading back to that entry and starting from there.  Enjoy!)

“You just summed up your entire sorry career here in one sentence! If you had a tenth of the heart of Ruettiger, you'd have made All-American by now! As it is, you just went from third team to the scout team! Get out of here!”

I love sports, especially playing them.  I am not sure if it is the competition aspect or the fact I can’t sit still anywhere.  If I am sitting still, I am lying down or taking a nap.  If I am not in nappy mode, I need to be doing something, anything.  And cleaning, despite my wife’s numerous attempts at convincing me it is an activity, is not the something I want to do.  I’ll play anything, cards, ping pong, golf, hoops, wiffleball, trivia, pursuit, you name it.  For example, this past weekend after playing golf with my family and heading back to my uncle’s house, he had both a ping pong and pool table.  Since we could not find poker chips to start a game, I took on my 60+ year old cousin in ping pong.  As with my kids, age does not matter, especially after he talked a little smack and asked me if I wanted him to play me lefty.  Three games later, my point had been made and I was looking for more.

As much as I love my kids being involved in sports, there are times I wonder if they want to play because they see how much of a passion I have for it.   They seem to enjoy it and past and present coaches give me great feedback on their performance and attitude.  So why am I so hard on them sometimes?  I think one of the reasons is that every parent wants their child to be the best they can be but sometimes we forget the last three words “they can be”.  The pressure that many parents and I mean a huge percentage of them, are putting on their kids when it comes to sports is reaching epidemic proportions.  I know I am included in this group at times which is why I am so sensitive to it.  And remember, I am also coaching my boys in various sports.

I was invited to the lake with my friend’s Brian and Mary Jackson and their family this past weekend to hang out for the day.  I coached their 9 year-old son Zach last year (2007) in baseball and like so many of the families whose kids I have coached, we developed friendships that last well after a season.   When I first met Zach, it seemed like he was fighting the baseball, especially when it came to throwing.  But it was clear he loved the sport and he was my most attentive player.  By the end of the year his hitting had developed but he still struggled with fielding, mainly throwing.  This past Spring, Brian told me he had Zach in lessons all winter and he was starting to come around nicely and that Zach was excited as ever for this year and even had hopes of making the year-end All Star team.  The red flag went up as I had heard this so many times before from parents.

But this was the exception to the rule.  When I saw Zach in April at tryouts (oh wait, my town calls it an evaluation even though they put 8-11 year old kids in a gym with 30 coaches hovering over them with clipboards writing like mad men and mad women), he was a different player.  The kid who could not throw the ball straight from 2^nd base to 1^st was now pitching strikes.  Then it hit me.  Brian was not like most of the parents when it came to sports with his son.  He loves sports and never misses a game or practice but as much as he probably wanted to provide constructive feedback (ok yell) during games or practices, he rarely did.  He also realized Zach was not going to get better playing video games and recognized he may need more practice or extra help and got it for him if that was what Zach wanted.  Zach wanted it.

But then, most importantly, he set proper expectations with Zach prior to this year and never got his hopes up about All-Stars.  I know because Brian and I talked about it and he shared that this was one of Zach’s biggest goals in his life so far but Brian was realistic.  But he did not get Zach too high and did not get him too low.  What he did was remove all pressure from Zach which allowed him to go have fun and play baseball, the game he loves.  And Zach did this year and not only did he make the year-end All-Star team and strike out the league’s best hitter to save the game for his team, he was also selected to play in a travel team after the season.

“Inspire First, Results Will Follow” pertains to Zach Jackson and his dad Brian today as Brian showed a great way to support your kids in sports.  For more information, stories and tools on how we can all make youth sports a win/win proposition, I strongly recommend visiting Positive Coaching Alliance.  I could not think of it until last night but when I saw the movie (for about the 100^th time) on TBS or some station, it hit me; Zach Jackson reminds me of Daniel Ruettiger, better knows as “Rudy” from the true story movie of the same name where we took our opening quote.   Kids like Rudy and Zach are why I’ll take heart and attitude over athleticism any day on my teams.