Enliven Daily

“All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big shitburger to eat”!

It’s Inspiring First so Results Will Follow.  The Tampa Bay Rays (they got rid of the “Devil” in their name, I think fish activists were upset at being compared to satan), just finished a 3-game sweep of the defending World Series Champion Red Sox and currently own the best record in Major League Baseball.  As you will hear around many a bar and water cooler in Boston today and over the weekend “the bleeping Devil Rays?” Many of us are old school and still call the Angels the California Angels so it will take a few years to figure the Rays name out.

The Rays finished the 2007 season with one of if not the worst record in baseball and had the lowest team payroll.  This year, they no longer have the lowest payroll which could explain their rise in the standings.  According to Fox Sports, they have the 2^nd lowest team payroll at $43.8 million.  The Yankees are first at $209 million followed by the Tigers, Mets and Red Sox who are all in the $130 million dollar range.  They say money can’t buy happiness and in Major League Baseball right now, it may not be able to buy a division title either as the Sox and Yankees both trail the Rays.

The Rays do have some young stars full of talent but so do the Royals, Marlins, A’s and many other teams.  But those teams are not currently in first place and sweeping the defending champs, not once but twice in a season.  Analysts and many Boston fans are predicting the fall of the Rays by season end and they may be right.  Not me, based on what I saw the last few days, this team is for real and it started last month with the brawl they had with the Red Sox at Fenway Park.  Does any of this sound familiar? 

For sports fans, let me take you back to the summer of 2004 when the perennial powerhouse Yankees came into Fenway Park all cocky and tried to intimidate the Red Sox and then pitcher Bronson Arroyo.  Captain and team leader, Jason Varitek got in A-Rod’s grill and soon punches were thrown.  The Sox went on to execute the greatest sports comeback in baseball history later that fall on their way to their first World Series in 86 years.  Many Sox players will tell you that the brawl earlier that summer was the catalyst for bonding the team.

The tables could be turned with the Rays now united and playing great baseball.  Last night, they were down 4-1 in the 7^th inning and put up 6 runs to further pound a shaky Boston bullpen and then held on in the 9^th inning after a great catch by their center fielder that would have tied the game.  People love to name things they do not understand or they feel should not be happening and use words like “Miracle”, “fluke” or “luck”.  I don't buy it.

A Miracle is me living through cancer and A.R.D.S (Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome) when doctors at Dana Farber told my family one night that they did everything they could for me medically and I was in God’s hands.  A fluke is when I am walking to my bleacher seats at Fenway Park and go in the wrong entrance; only to be greeted by Red Sox owner Larry Lucchino who gives me his 2 box seat tickets.  Luck is when I shank my tee shot on a par 3 way right into the woods but I hit a tree and my ball lands on the green. (My friends even call this the Lucky Louis bounce).

I am actually pulling for the Rays as I love when the underdog rises up and defies the odds.  Also, because they are a perfect example of the motto for Enliven First – “Inspire First, Results Will Follow”.  Maybe the Rays’ coach gave them a speech similar to our opening quote form the movie “Major League” just before the first game of their season.  Whatever it is in Tampa, its working and remember; this is still a bunch of guys playing a kid’s game.  The low payroll Rays seem to want it more than everybody else these days and that is no fluke.

Have a great long weekend and celebrating our nation’s Independence with family and friends.  We’ll be back on Monday after some fun in the sun this long weekend.  Be safe and be thankful for all that we have and keep our past and present troops in mind for allowing us to have this day.

“We've become bored with watching actors give us phony emotions. We are tired of pyrotechnics and special effects. While the world he inhabits is, in some respects, counterfeit, there's nothing fake about Truman himself. No scripts, no cue cards. It isn't always Shakespeare, but it's genuine. It's a life.”

At the end of yesterday’s entry, I alluded to a 27 year-old Winchester, Massachusetts middle school teacher recently charged with enticement of a 13 year-old girl.  It seems like not a week goes by that a new scandal involving teachers and young students is reported although most seem to involve older women and young men.  Twenty five years ago (I was 15), when my hormones were in overdrive, I would have thought the idea of hooking up with a teacher was awesome.  Today, if a teacher ever attempts to take advantage of one of my sons, they better hope the cops get to him or her before I do.  In case you may be wondering, yes, I will know my Choices and will take accountability for them.

If you have not already seen the Fox News story, there is a link in yesterday’s entry which includes excerpts of the text messages that Christopher French sent to a 13 year-old girl.  There are reports that his Myspace profile has dozens of girls under the age of sixteen listed as “friends” with many leaving comments and messages for him.  That same report said that of the hundreds of friends “Frenchy” had on his Myspace page, only a handful were men, the rest were women and young girls. 

Christopher French is a teacher and now sadly, is another person whose Choices have disgraced their chosen profession.  Now, so many other dedicated and caring teachers will be looked at slightly different through no fault of their own.  Can I call this guy a scumbag or would that bother some readers?  If it does, please tell me what we should call this clown who has either been flying under the radar with his family, friends and co-workers or has been enabled over the years by this same group.  Dig deeper into this story and you will see French’s father is the principal of the school where he works.

If this weasel’s (is this word better?) father, Evander French was completely oblivious to his son’s behavior, then I feel for him as a parent.  But my instinct tells me otherwise as I have worked in education on a college campus which was 5-10 times larger than any middle school with close to 1500 students.  As administrators, you hear a lot especially because kids talk a lot.  Sure some of it is rumors and gossip but some of it is not and leaders in that school were obligated to press or dig deeper.  But sadly, who is going to go against the principal’s son, which could be job suicide?  So I’ll ask anyone that knew this predator (we may have a word winner), is your job more important than the safety or life of a student?

I am no tech expert but I know many IT guys that say you can find anything and everything from computers and phones, even if you think you purged or deleted stuff.  The police have this coward’s cell phone and computer and I am certain they will find even more inappropriate and disgusting stuff he sent to many young girls.  Thankfully, authorities got to this predator before this girl was a victim.  Let’s hope there weren’t others in the past as this was not his first attempt.  As a parent, this is a nightmare for all involved and only Principal Evander French knows for certain if he himself could have intervened earlier.   

I think you will agree that it is very difficult and not fair to hold parent’s accountable for an adult child’s Choices.  Every parent loves their child and knows the good they have in them despite the bad choices some make.  Maybe there were signs and rumors but Evander French may have given his child the benefit of the doubt and could have even talked to him about it and was blatantly lied to by his son who goes by “Frenchy”.  Christopher French must now be held accountable for his Choices and like any experience, all involved or aware of it must learn from it. 

This is not a reality show or movie like The Truman Show where I took our opening quote.  We can choose to live with blinders on or ignore the issues around us especially when there is no direct impact to us.  But if we do make that choice, we will have nobody to blame but ourselves if a future predator tries to lure our own children into their web.  If the Lord called me 5 and a half years ago, I know my family would be safe thanks to the many friends I have looking out for all of us.  Two of them are celebrating birthdays yesterday and today.  Happy 40^th birthdays David Jones and Tom Finnerty. 

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are."

I want to share two separate emails I received today from a married couple that I am very close to.  I am purposely omitting their names as I have not told them I am putting their messages out here.  But as you will see from the last lines of the 2^nd email, nothing I can say or write will say it better.

Here is the 1^st email sent by the husband to some loved ones:

Wanted to let you know that (wife) and I were in a car accident coming home from (son’s) on Saturday night. We were hit head on by a drunk driver about two miles from our home. Fortunately we are OK after a night at the hospital but have multiple contusions and are recuperating. Thank God we were in our Volvo, which was totaled but really protected us. The moral of the story is enjoy life every day and wear your seat
belt every drive.

(husband)

Here is the 2^nd sent just to me by the wife:

Lou:  I know (husband) sent you an email regarding our car accident.  I've thought about you a lot since because of the choices the drunk driver made on Saturday night.  She chose to drink.  She chose to get in her car and drive.  She chose not to wear her seat belt.  As a result she is in the hospital in critical condition.  I pray that she comes out of it and that this will be a wake up call for her.

(Husband) and I chose to go to (son’s) to baby-sit (grandchildren) so that (son) could take (daughter in law) out for a nice dinner just the two of them to celebrate (daughter in law’s) 30th birthday.  Luckily, 3 years ago we chose to buy a Volvo.  My car did its job in saving our lives unfortunately it is now totaled.   We chose to wear our seat belts and we are alive because of our choices.  What we didn't choose was that a drunk driver would come around a curve on the wrong side of the road and hit us head on.

Please keep impressing upon people that they are responsible for their choices.  If it gets through to just one person you will have done your job. 

Thanks, (wife)! 

I speak often to groups that I am embarrassed and humbled that I needed cancer as my wake up call to appreciate how blessed I am with the family and friends I have, especially my wife and children.  I never thought I would be given the Rites of Passage while in my thirties just like this couple above never thought they would be nearly killed by a drunk driver 2 miles from their house.  As the 2^nd email highlights, if this entry can affect one person’s choice to wear a seat belt, not drive after drinking, or not give in to temptation, it is all worth it. 

On Wednesday, I will write about the Choices of a Winchester, Massachusetts teacher who, according to a Fox News Story, chose to act on the dark inside of him as highlighted in our opening quote from Sirius Black (played by Gary Oldman) in “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”.   I strongly doubt it but maybe by then, I will have some explanation why one of this alleged pedophile’s acquaintances would tell a reporter that there is no way the allegations against him can be true.  Just like the woman who chose to drive drunk must now be accountable for her Choice, this teacher must be held responsible for his Choices to approach minors. 

“You got the future in the palm of your hands, all you gotta do to get you through is understand.  You think you rather do without, you will never make without the truth; the facts of life is all about you.”

Editor’s Note - Before going any further, if you have not done so already, I encourage you to read Friday’s entry now which is immediately below; since today’s is a follow-up on that one. 

In a previous entry, I shared some Choices I made as a child entering his teen years.  I remember them all vividly as well as some of the thought process I went through before, during and after each experience.  Although my parents were going through a divorce, my home life was stable and I did not lack anything that other kids had.  My friends and I all had what I would say was a typical childhood back in the late 70’s and early 80’s.

The key word that described my childhood was “friends” as that's what /who shaped it and does for every child.  Last week I alluded to the book “The Tipping Point” that does a great job identifying why many children make the Choices they do while growing up.  The key factor is their friends and social group and despite what you might assume, it has little to do with the city or town they are raised.  Rich kids, just as easily as poor kids, have access to drugs and make the Choice to experiment with and use them.  That ultimate Choice is most influenced not from where a child lives but who he or she hangs around with.

For me, I was truly blessed with the friends I had growing up as they were as true a friend one person could ever hope for.  Even as early as 6^th grade, I had classmates that smoked and drank and formed their “burnout” clique as we used to call them.  If I did not have friends (or a cousin) like Brian, Chris, John, Hubie, Tom, Lou Rico, Serra, Morty, Gary and others that made me feel accepted and part of a group, who knows, maybe I would have hung with those other guys.  I see it now with my sons at school and the park as kids travel in packs and all kids want to be part of one, especially the large or perceived popular ones.  And this hardly changes as we get older, even as adults, as I spend a ton of time in social situations (BBQ’s, sporting events, card games) with friends and the “pack” mentality is alive and well.

When we were kids, our parents and teachers tried to caution and teach us about all the dangerous things we would encounter: alcohol, drugs, sex, violence, etc.  So now I ask you – was that all it took or did your friends and classmates have more of an impact on the Choices you made growing up?  Were you really different than most kids where you took the word of these “adults” and that was enough to squelch your curious side?  As you read from my previous entry, I was like most and my intuition tells me so were you.  But it does not mean we stayed with those initial Choices and this is where a kid’s peer group and friends play the biggest role.

As my own children enter 3^rd and 5^th grade this fall, I hope the older one is not gambling, making up stuff about a teacher or talking about sex with his friends.  I also hope my youngest does not kiss a girl but based on his charisma, I will not be surprised if I get a report that he has girlfriend.  My wife and I talk to our kids every day and stress that they can come to us with anything at anytime and we will not judge their Choices; as we were most likely confronted with similar ones.  But I can’t help to think of myself as a child and who I turned to for approval and acceptance and it was rarely my parents. 

I wish I had all the answers these days but just as I look at the Choices my wife and I made growing up and think that we turned out ok, I hope the same holds true with my kids.  We’ll always be there for them and continue to keep a very close eye on who they hang around with.  These are some of the “Facts of Life” I keep learning, just like the end of the theme song in our opening quote from that television show in the late 70’s by the same title.

Editors Note 2 – I stopped years ago trying to figure out how and why I remember all this stuff about growing up but am trying to use it for good.  And any guy my age that says they did not watch this show is not being completely honest with you.

“Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler... have a [mumble] handlerrrrr.”

When talking about what kids are exposed to these days, many people will tell you that yesterday 16 is today’s 13 and so on down the line.  Maybe it is technology, the media or being the kids of “baby boomers” but I do agree with it.  Below are experiences of some elementary and junior high school students that I am certain are true.

• 3^rd grader – First girlfriend.  First kiss. 
• 4^th grader – Contacted by a sexual predator.
• 5^th grader – made up stories about teacher.  Betting money with friends.  Talked about sex with friends and saw it on television.
• 6^th grader – first “intimidate” kiss.  First encounter with alcohol; beer.  Smoked cigarettes.
• 7^th grader – Played poker for money. With friends who stole cameras out of car.
• 8^th grader – almost arrested for vandalism but was turned into police and went to court. Lost my virginity.  First interaction with marijuana but really did not inhale.  First drunken experience.

Now on a scale of 1-10 on how wild I was growing up, I would say I was about a 5 or 6.  In terms of exposure to things, I would put that number at about an 8 or 9.  I grew up in the 70’s and 80’ in a nice neighborhood about 8 miles north of Boston, in a city called Medford.  I went to public schools until high school and had many friends, including some very close ones and was actively involved in sports. 

The reason I know all the events above are true was that they are all about experiences I had growing up.  I do not share them to boast but rather to provide perspective and reflection for parents who have young children or children in this age group.  I also have children that are entering 3^rd and 5^th grade respectively and as a parent, I always think back to what Choices I was confronted with when I was my boy’s age. 

My 3^rd grade girlfriend was a 4^th grader named Lori Curcio and I pecked her on the lips.  In 4^th grade, I remember it as if it was yesterday and this was before caller ID; as I answered the phone that rang in my kitchen and some whack-job thought I was a girl named “Louise” and said some crazy stuff before I hung up.  I never told anyone about it.  In 5^th grade, I remember my buddy Chucky Santoro always getting in trouble with our teacher and being sent to the corner.  I was envious of all the attention he was getting so I would go home and tell my mother that I was being sent to the corner.  Needless to say the next parent/teacher conference did not go well when my mom questioned why I was always being disciplined.  Then, when she asked me about lying about it, I just lied some more and told her I said “it was Chucky, NOT me!”

6^th grade seemed like a lot but in fairness, I was “going out” with a 7^th grader and she knew much more about “European” kissing than I did so when in Paris… I also was able to stay home by myself at this age and one day, I had the boys over and we tried some beers in my basement at which I almost got caught by my mother.  I never ever tried cigarettes but a few friends did smoke, including the 7th grader I was "going out with".  In 7^th grade, many of us were playing cards for money, even at a friend’s house whose father played with us.  It was this same friend who stole an expensive camera out of an open car and sold it to some older kids.  8^th grade was a bit crazy but again, I’ll make an excuse as that is when my parents were going through their divorce and I was angry and in denial.  Thus, my buddy and I broke a window of a guy we did not like with snowballs.  During one night that following summer, I was with some older kids drinking who also smoked marijuana and I hooked up with my cousin’s girlfriend’s sister (seriously, I did - this is not the popular “she was from Canada story).  Three days before high school started late that summer, it all came crashing down as I stole a bottle of Southern Comfort from my family liquor cabinet and partied in the woods with everyone.

On Monday, there will be a conclusion and message to go along with all this and it has to do with my “Friends” which is also the show where I took our opening quote.  Have a great, safe weekend with yours.

Fluke? That pass-interference penalty was no fluke. If you had done it the way I taught you, they never would've been down there in the first place, and they never would've scored, and we would've won that game! You're just as responsible as he is.

I began coaching when I was about 13 years old in Medford, Massachusetts; first with youth basketball and then with youth hockey.  I was not even an assistant coach, I coached with another friend in both programs and at times we were coaching against adults.  After graduating college and working in student affairs at a local college, I had the opportunity to coach at the NCAA junior college level in women’s basketball.  For the past 5 years, I have been actively involved in all youth sports and I continue to learn more every day.

Now it is starting to hit me as I am seeing the same traits in my own sons and others I coach that I or my former teammates possessed as kids.  For example, my oldest son loves sports and is very competitive but relies on his natural ability to perform well and does not incorporate much of the advice I or his coaches give him.  I was the same way as I never learned how to use proper form on my basketball jump-shot despite numerous coaches trying to correct it.  I would listen but never wanted to work on it because I was making shots my way. 

In the book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell shares his theory on why trends and patterns can grow from small to “epidemic” rates.  One area he focuses on is why kids and teens make the Choices they do in their life as it relates to drinking, smoking, drugs, sex and suicide.  As a parent, it is an alarming read because he correctly points out that regardless of your economic stature, education or neighborhood, it can happen anywhere.  (Click Here) for one of many stories about some Gloucester, Massachusetts high school girls who have now made national headlines by getting pregnant.  Regardless of a so-called pact they may have made to all do it at the same time, the bottom-line is that 17 girls in one class are now pregnant which is over 4 times the average that occurs in a typical year in that city.  How, why?

With a story like this, everyone will have an opinion or theory because that is what our culture does.  We hate the unknown or things that do not have a black and white answer.  This is why so many people get stressed out when they are sick or have symptoms and even though they may get diagnosed with a disease, part of them feels better because at least they know why they have not been feeling well or “normal”.  Look at the way many people judge books by their cover of people that look, sound or dress differently.  17 girls in one class got pregnant and it was such an alarming figure and so outside of the norm that people want, better yet, need to have a reason or explanation.  Thus, the theory that many of the girls made a pact to get pregnant at the same time so they could raise their kids together. 

As you will see in the above link, Time Magazine got a quote from the high school principal and ran with the pact story and since then, some of the girls have been on Good Morning America and other outlets denying there was a pact.  Fine, there may not have been a pact but let’s not lose sight of the fact that 17 teenage girls (and thus 17 or maybe less, teenage boys) are about to become parents at a young age.

Just like many of us growing up, I am sure these Gloucester teens had classes on sex education and conversations with their parents.  Ask yourself, how much did you listen; as similar to sports and my coaches, when it came to alcohol for example, I yes’d my parents and teachers to death and then made my own Choices with my friends.  We must continue to educate and coach and hopefully inspire our kids to make good Choices as they grow-up.  But the Choice will ultimately be theirs when it comes time to act.  Just like Stefen Djordjevic (played by Tom Cruise) had in our opening quote from his coach in the football movie, “All The Right Moves”.  

Tomorrow, I will continue on this talking about the influence our friends have in the Choices we make in our lives, especially when we are children and teens.  I was lucky to have many great ones growing up who I stay in touch with to this day.  On that note – Happy Birthday to Hubie Hanlon who turns the big 4-0 today!

“You know it's funny what a young man recollects? 'Cause I don't remember bein' born. I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world.”

It was the fall of 1986 and the Red Sox were on their quest to World Series heartache and I had just begun my freshman year at Bentley College in Waltham, Massachusetts.  I remember having an English class early in the morning and then as it is now, I was not a morning person so I would roll out of bed and drag myself to class.  It was during one of those first classes I first saw my future wife, Tracy Churchill, and I said – “damn she’s hot!”

Four years went by and even though we had mutual friends, we never really talked or hung out.  Then, on a Saturday in May of 1991, she showed up at my graduation party and I began to make my move.  Two days later, I called our mutual friend Warren and I asked him to ask Tracy if I hypothetically was to ask her out, would she say yes?  I think I also asked him to try to not make me sound so pathetic but hey, I just wanted to be sure.  So he called her, then called me back and then I called her and she said yes and the rest is history.  Hey – bust on me all you want, I got the girl of my dreams despite being such a wimp when it came to asking her out.  I was just trying to show her I had a vulnerable side…

Tracy and I married 14 years ago today on June 25, 1994.  She recently showed me a picture of the two of us from around that time when I had a Fu-Manchu goatee working.  Note to my buddies and her – any reason none of you told me how goofy I looked or were you all in on it together?  But 14 years later, I am more in love with Tracy and more appreciative of her than the day we said “I do”.

Has it been easy?  Rarely is something so special and unique ever easy or everyone could have it.  Has the ride, including mostly ups but some downs been the most thrilling experience any man could want?  Without a doubt and add in the births of our two boys, nothing in life is more exhilarating and more rewarding than building our family together.  The traditional gift for 14 years of marriage is Ivory so I almost left her a bar of soap as I went off to a client but thought that would be even too tacky for me.

When people ask me to explain love or why we have such a great relationship, I tell them it is easy.  We have unconditional love for each other and always put the needs of the other ahead of our own.  Sure we disagree now and then and I have a “live for the moment” side where I choose to go golfing and then out to dinner when I should come home.  But Tracy lets me know my Choice may not have been the best, I try to make excuses and then we laugh it off.  OK – I laugh it off, she says I’m pathetic but she’ll always love me and realizes it’s who I am.  I’m sort of like that dog Buck, from “Call of the Wild”.

Similar to the #1 grossing movie from 1994, “Forrest Gump”, where I took our opening quote, I know where I was when I first laid eyes on my beautiful bride who is more stunning and remarkable today than that day she walked into English class.  Happy Anniversary Tracy and in the immortal words of Jerry Maguire – “you complete me!”

“In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line… In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! — I hope I'll be safe at home!”

If you had asked me five years ago, I would have just laughed and said “over my dead body”.  Two years ago I would have said “no chance, never gonna happen”.  One year ago, I was criticizing parents that made this Choice for their kids.  Even 3 months ago I was adamant in telling my 10 year-old fourth-grader I did not care what his classmates had, I did not think it was appropriate or necessary.  One week ago, I learned never to underestimate the power of persistence and when you try to set the bar to an unattainable goal, you best make sure it is or you are going to pay-up. 

As a moral victory, my son did not get the Voyager cell phone he was seeking but does have a nicer one than my wife or I had prior to last night… until I upgraded to the enV2.  This is where you have every right to say to yourself or out loud what a fruitcake you think I am as I myself was always questioning parents that bought their young children cell phones.  My son got one as a reward as since the beginning of 2008, he has been asking us for one and we kept telling him to keep dreaming.  Then about 4 months ago, he got wise and asked what he had to do to earn one and we took the bait.

Our son Trevor has always been a straight A student and yes I know we are biased.  But his grades and standardized test scores reinforce it.  So my wife and I told him if he got all A+’s on his 4^th quarter report card, we would get him a cell phone.  Academics has always come easy for him and he had one or two A+’s each quarter but no way could he run the table.  As the semester went on, we started to get nervous as he kept bringing home tests.  Finally, last Friday, he brought home the report card and I was relieved when I saw the last column and it showed 4 A+’s and 4 A’s and I told him it was an awesome report card but he did not reach his goal.  Needless to say he was crushed.

But then I looked at his report card again and realized I was looking at the wrong column – I was looking at his year-end average.  When I looked at his 4^th quarter grades, I saw something I had never seen before except on an episode of Doogie Howser MD.  If this were a sitcom or after school special, I would embellish and write that he had 8 A+’s but as much as I do not let the facts get in the way of a good story about my own personal accomplishments, I will not insult my son by telling you that he went 8 for 8.  He did have 6 A+’s and two A’s.  The two A’s were in Religion and Reading and quite frankly, my wife and I were not concerned about these areas as he enjoys going to Church and has been reading since kindergarten.

Four of the A+’s were up from the A in the subject from the previous quarter including Science which I for one think is the hardest subject ever invented (pun intended).  My wife and I talked and thought it over and agreed to reward him and add him to our plan but scaled the phone down from the Voyager to a Chocolate (which was free by adding him).  It also came with an understanding that I now have more leverage than ever when it comes to his behavior.  For me, it is a win/win.

Feel free to have an opinion on this and if you are new to this space, first I welcome you and second you need to know that I believe life is all about Choices.  My wife and I made this Choice and believe it to be the right one as our son earned it.  In addition, having an opinion is a good thing and we should never be afraid to share ours.  Just like the man who gave us our opening quote in one of the funniest sports bits ever told – George Carlin – who passed away yesterday from heart failure at age 71.  Along with Robin Williams, George Carlin was and is one of my favorite comedians of all time who was never afraid to tell it like it was.  I would have truly loved to hear what he had to say if he knew I bought my 10 year-old a cell phone.  Surely, some of those 7 words would have come out…

Editor’s Note – in my June 17^th entry, I wrote a Letter to the Editor and am happy to say it got published since it highlights Positive Coaching Alliance.  Scroll down this blog to see the entry and (Click Here) to see the letter from the Lawrence (Mass.) Eagle Tribune.

“In America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has its own laws. Football is a way of life.”

Marshawn Lynch is a star running back for the Buffalo Bills in the NFL.  His SUV was involved in a hit and run last month and until recently, nobody had been charged with the offense.  Thankfully, the pedestrian only suffered minor injuries.  (Click Here) for the full details of the story and I invite you to read it now to see where today’s thoughts are going.

About 20 years, comedian Eddie Murphy did a bit where he joked that even if you get caught with another woman in your own house by your significant other, just lie about it.  A few years back, rapper Shaggy (I do not think it is his real name) had a song called “It Wasn’t Me” which put Murphy’s theory into lyrics.  These days, it seems this is the immediate approach many people, whether famous or not, seems to take.  And people question why kids and young adults are struggling with the concept of accountability when confronted with mistakes on Choices they make or made? 

I know Marshawn Lynch must have been scared when this accident occurred especially since he and his passenger did not immediately know the injuries sustained by the victim.  Only Lynch and his passenger will ever know what their reaction was as well as conversation on the Choice to make immediately after realizing they may have hit a person with their SUV.  I am sure as soon as this story broke, some people made an assumption that Lynch or whoever was driving may have been under the influence.  That thought has crossed my mind.  But what I mainly thought about was that we had another celebrity, famous politician or star athlete that made a mistake and their first reaction was to come up with a way to get out of it.

Based on this case going 3 weeks without finally reaching an outcome, we may never know the first assumption but my second one is dead on.  The part of the article that jumps out at me is the quote from the prosecutor that “his office and the Buffalo police could have used the nearly three weeks spent on the headline-grabbing Lynch case on more serious crimes”.   All because Lynch made the Choice either on his own or based on advice from those close to him, not to own up to a mistake.

If you live near Buffalo or your kids follow football, take some time to explain to them that Marshawn Lynch made the wrong Choice on dealing with this situation.  Heck, I cannot even completely blame Lynch as he is still a kid himself and based on his talent, has probably had people his entire life help him out of jams.  This does not excuse his behavior or make it acceptable, it just further highlights why it is so important to teach our kids right from wrong and owning up to all they do.

I love football more than most but it is still a game regardless of what level it is being played.  Maybe there are those like in the movie “Varsity Blues” where we took our opening quote, as well as other real life programs that think star football players are above the law.  But football playing days do not last a long time and then life takes over.  Let’s prepare our kids for it the right way.

“Rod, think about back when you were a little kid.  It wasn't about the money, was it? Was it? … Help me... help you. Help me, help you.”

Less than 3 weeks ago, I made a prediction and it just came through.  It was involving sports but it had nothing to do with the outcome of a game.  It had to do with what I read and witnessed involving a professional coach/manager and the Choices he made to try to inspire his team to play better.  (Click Here) to read that June 5^th entry as I alluded to Seattle Mariners’ (Major League Baseball) manager, John McLaren, and my opinion on his motivation tactics.  You will also see from this entry that I was worried about Phil Jackson’s ability as a coach to be a factor in beating the Celtics.  I still think Jackson is a great coach and motivator but so is Doc Rivers and thus it then came down to the players. 

Seattle fired McLaren yesterday as the Mariners have the worst record in baseball despite having the leagues 9^th highest payroll at $116 million.  McLaren was fired a week after they fired their general manager.  Professional sports are no different than many jobs in the theory that you have to pay to attract talent.  I am just not sure how accurate that it.  Think of any jobs you either applied for or worked at and how much various people in leadership roles made or were offered to join your company.  But the New York Mets have the 2^nd highest payroll in the Majors and they too just fired their manager this past week.  Conversely, the Tampa Bay Rays have the 2^nd lowest payroll in the Majors this year and are battling the Red Sox for first place.

I am not close enough to professional sports teams, especially the Seattle Mariners, to pinpoint exactly why they are struggling and have low team morale.  But the leadership within their as well as any organization has a lot to do with poor performance by players and employees.  In the book, Encouraging the Heart, by James Kouzes and Barry Posner, the inside cover tells you the most important theory on what inspires people to deliver positive results:

“Many people assume that money is the mainstay of motivation.  But in truth, the desire to accomplish extraordinary things is linked to basic human need:  We all want to be respected for who we are and recognized for the things we do.  While many leaders know this from experience, few know how to best act on it.” 

As I meet with so many different companies and watch so many sports teams from youth to professional levels, I challenge anyone to argue with this theory above.  Do we wonder why the Celtics beat the Lakers this week or why the Red Sox and Patriots are attracting such great players who take pay cuts to come here?  Leadership starts with a person’s direct manager but must transcend through and entire organization.  The Celtics figured this out over the last few years with their new ownership and put it all together despite the constant criticism and even doubt they got from so many.  They also were smart to tap into the success of the Sox and Patriots and looked to them for advice and best practices. 

Think about what drives you in your career or job; can you argue with Kouzes and Posner’s theory above?  Why do you think grown men were weeping and acting like little kids the other night when they won the title?  Most already had plenty of money.  Jerry Maguire got his professional athletes to understand this as we see in our opening quote.  Now we just need the Boston Bruins organization and others to figure it out.

Have a great weekend with family and friends and a Happy Birthday shout out to my brother Sal who turns ... yikes!, 48 on Saturday.   

"See, we've been chasin'... dreams for many, many years. But tomorrow, you'll all get an opportunity to fulfill some of those dreams. You and the letters that stand for this place. Stand for 'PDR'." But what does it mean to us? Pride, determination and resilience."

The Boston Celtics have won the NBA Championship and once again the city of Boston celebrates.  As is the trend these days, the bandwagon glommer-onners (new word – people who glom), pack the streets, yelling and pumping their fist that they, not the Boston Celtics organization are awesome and entitled to break windows, turn over cars and disrespect authority.  My favorite parts of the celebrations are watching the idiots causing destruction or taunting cops get pummeled by police.  Ah – sweet karma !!

I tried for a quote form the horrible 1996 movie “Celtic Pride” but it was so bad, there were not any good ones.  So being a lifelong Boston sports fan, I wanted to list the Top 10 things I am most proud of these days as it relates to my boys – Trevor and Tyler, ages 10 and 8 respectively:

1. They are respectful to their teachers and coaches.
2. According to other parents, they behave exceptional when at their house (my house – whole different story).
3. They do not pick on, bully or make-fun of other kids, especially those that are different.
4. They respect property and think littering is gross.
5. They worship their grandparents.
6. They respect the game and always give 100% effort when on the field or court.
7. They have determination in their endeavors.
8. They love being with friends.
9. They recognize poor choices made by their classmates.
10. They care about other people and things other than themselves.

As a teen and young adult, I attended my share of parades and parties and was no angel growing up.  But I never thought of causing damage, tipping cars or disrespecting police trying to serve and protect.  I was not worried about the authorities or getting arrested as that would have been easier than facing my parents as they and I knew they raised me with pride and respect.

Life provides no guarantees to the Choices Trevor and Tyler will make growing up and my wife and I will always be there for them.  But if these days are any indication of how they will mature, we think they are off to a great start.  This is not just because of us as parents but all those that help influence our children’s lives like their teachers, coaches, friend’s parents, relatives, neighbors, you name it.  I thank those that have helped in their maturing process and hope I am helping other children along the way too.

Celtic Pride, Town Pride, Heritage Pride, you name it, can all be the source of pleasure and satisfaction.  So why make the choice to cause damage and act like an idiot?  Congratulations to all those affiliated with the Celtics who had their share of low points over the last few years.  Just like our opening quote form the movie “Pride”, Paul Pierce, KG, Ray Allen and the rest showed pride, determination and resilience.  You could even say that they “inspired first and results followed”.

“Basketball is like poetry in motion, cross the guy to the left, take him back to the right, he's fallin' back, then just J right in his face. Then you look at him and say, "What?"

The Boston Celtics are the world champions of professional basketball after beating the Los Angeles Lakers last night.  If you watched the game at any time last night, you could easily tell that the Celtics wanted it more.  To win by 39 points really put an exclamation point on their efforts.  The Celtics came out fired up with tenacious defense and put the metal to the pedal and never let up.  There is a reason home court advantage is so important in sports as having your fans behind you cheering you on provides motivation like no other.

The other great thing about this win last night for the Celtics is the obstacles they faced after losing in Los Angeles on Sunday.  A few players were injured, their flight home was delayed for hours and one star player had a sick child that was hospitalized over the weekend.  Instead of making excuses, either through the leadership of their coach, their team leaders or both, they made the Choice to give it all they had and go for a knockout punch early.  This game was over at halftime and if the Lakers had their choice, they would have just left then based on their effort in the second half.

Plain and simple, the Celtics wanted this more and showed it.  Maybe it had to do with the Lakers needing to win two games on the road but regardless, they did not show up to play in what was the biggest game of the year.  Even after halftime, they could have tried to make a second half run as the Celtics proved earlier in the series that 20+ point deficits could be overcome.  But it seems the Lakers as a team chose not to put up a fight they thought they could not win.  I guess they missed that 2004 American League Championship Series when the Red Sox came back from 3 games down to beat the Yankees.

With the exception of two players who are reserves on this Celtics team, this is the first championship for all their players and coach, Doc Rivers.  Good for them, especially Doc who got lambasted prior to this year by the media, fans and other critics around the league.  His father passed away early in the season and it is only fitting that last night would have been his birthday.  Enjoy this Boston, even though we have been spoiled over the last few years with the Sox and Patriots.  I keep telling my kids that it wasn’t always like this but they just don’t get it.  

Last night was poetry in motion for the Celtics; just like our opening quote from the 1998 movie that starred current Celtic Ray Allen (as starred titled “He Got Game”.  Sorry Kobe, sometimes nice guys do finish first…

“My dad, he's a coach. He knows the game, he's confident, he's smart, witty, dynamic, vicious, brutal, vindictive, a monster! And he will win by intimidation and forceful tactics if need be. I'm not like that. I don't know anyone like that. Do you?”

A friend of Enliven Daily sent me the following story involving youth sports with the following comment: “Not that you ever have a shortage but this is one of those (acronym for “what the bleep”) items that left me shaking my head.  Is it me or are both of the coaches totally missing the point?”  (Click Here) now to read the article he was referencing.  Then today, I came across the following advice a person gave when trying to select the right sports for your child to get involved in.  When commenting on coaches, this person wrote: "Parents wouldn't enroll their child in a school that didn't have trained teachers, so it makes no sense to allow their child to play on a team with a volunteer coach who has no training in working with a group of children."  This combination inspired me to send my first of what I think will be many emails to various publications:

Letter to the Editor:

I am writing in response to your June 13^th story reported by Stacie Galang about a Little League baseball coach that allegedly ordered one of her pitchers to hit a batter on the opposing team.  We passed the critical point in youth sports a few years ago -- also in Massachusetts (where I was born and raised), but it could have been any state -- where two fathers of youth hockey players got into a fight, resulting in someone dying.  Let me repeat that. Because of some things happening on the ice between kids, a man is dead and two families, especially the children, are devastated.  What more will it take before we do something about this type of behavior?

I have been involved in youth sports as a player, coach and parent my entire life and have witnessed, heard and been involved in just about everything.  Sadly, I am not surprised by these types of stories and blame can go all around in this case.  But, I will never accept the behavior or results produced by parents, coaches and board members in leadership roles who do not understand the responsibilities that come with them.  There needs to be much more training and education for these three groups highlighted above, and it is available through groups like Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA).  PCA believes that while winning is important, there is a second, more important goal of using sports to teach life lessons to our kids, including demonstrating respect for opponents and honoring the game.

With today's economy and everyone trying to do more with less, I fully understand it is hard to find committed volunteers and I commend all those that donate their time.  But we should not settle or make excuses for having people coach or sit on boards that lack the integrity or skills to serve in leadership roles impacting children.  Most youth sports leagues do a background check and then give a coach the equipment and send them on their way.  It takes time, effort and training and even that is not enough.  Coaches, parents and board members must also care about the team, league and game ahead of their own selfish desires.  Why?  Because this is what our children want.  Just ask them.

Sincerely,

Lou Longo

Pelham, NH

There are some great coaches out there but there are also some very poor ones that lack training among other skills and qualities.  Even if you have no experience, attend training workshops or find a mentor like Phil Weston (played by Will Ferrell) did by grabbing Mike Ditka in the movie “Kicking and Screaming” where I took our opening quote.  It’s at least a start.

“Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. Use it, and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is only a dollar away.”

Yesterday morning, Father’s Day, I awoke to my 8 year-old, Tyler jumping into my bed with his coy smile, quietly saying, “Haaaappppy Father’s Daaaaaay!”  He handed me a sandwich bag filled with two kinds of Hershey’s kisses with a little card tied to it that read:

When I am at School

Or When We’re Far Apart,

You may get a little sad,

But you’re always in my heart.